I've had a lot of stuff going on in my head. I've been making a lot of drawings,
none of which I've been that happy with. I've been dabbling with paint, my
cricut machine but I've been avoiding those larger paintings I wrote about
awhile back…
Facebook alternates between being the bane of my existence and a tool of
happiness. I had an interaction with a friend of mine where the end result was
me contemplating sending her a message that simply said, "What is it you
are so afraid of?"* So I turn around and I ask myself with these larger
paintings that I really WANT to create, "What is it that I'm so afraid
of?" "What is holding me back?"
At first as I think of these questions I have no answer, but the more I think
about it the more real it becomes. Working in a journal comes easy. It's (for
most) private, secretive, and as I call it, closeted. How many of you work
privately in your art journal? How many of you don't tell your friends or
family you art journal? Would they not understand? Would they call you crazy,
stupid or tell you that you’re wasting your time?**
Welcome to my world circa 1996.
The closet is a safe environment, warm womb like and it's easy to make art in a
journal, no one ever has to see it. The art journal can be a closet. For some people the closet is the only place
they can create, and that’s okay at some point your going to want to open those
doors and share with people what it is you create. Not all of us have friends
and family that are supportive of art, or who would even try to understand. You
can’t let that hold you back from your urge to create. We all need to follow
that creative urge to where it takes us no matter the course.
So I ask you to look at what it is that you’re afraid of in
your journal, what holds you back. Journal it, Write it down. Acknowledging
those constraints will eventually allow you to loosen them and allow you to be
free.
*That story is not mine to tell but I have my theories.
**For the record almost all of my friends and family were fantastic when I came out.