I’ve been talking about a couple of different things with my
friends, and one of the major topics has been transformation changes. It’s a
fascinating topic as it’s different for everyone. When you ask people what the
most transformative thing in their life has been, they think for a minute and
launch into a story.
I could sit here and list a series of my transformative
moments, moments that blew my mind, opened my eyes and awakened my senses but
it would come off as trite so I’ll just start to tell you about the most
recent with roots further back. It’s a hard thing for me to write about but in the spirit of the open
honesty that I’ve written this blog about I’m going to explain.
I used to be fit, extremely so. I had a very low body fat
percentage and ran every other night and biked the other nights. In college I
allowed this to slide a bit as I found a love of good beer. But I never got out
of shape and my second year of college began mountain biking. I was obsessed,
biking to and from class and then putting in 6 to 10 miles on trails almost every
day. I loved it. When I graduated I had less time for my bike but still spent a
lot of time hiking and biking.
Then I moved to Massachusetts. It was a rough time in my
life, full of heart ache and me doing dumb stuff to further ruin my life. I
moved from the woods straight into the ghetto. Still I persisted in commuting to
my crap job by bike and train. Until October 10th 1999; when I was
hit by a minivan as I rode home. I was not badly hurt, my bike was not badly damaged
and I walked away. I can now look back at the incident as somewhat humorous,
but not. I was very shaken up by the incident, if I had not looked over my left
shoulder that one last time I would not have seen the Gordon College** professors
running the red light and I would not have swerved to avoid them. They hit me at
about 40MPH and I know that it’s simple luck that I’m alive today and writing
this. One foot to the right and their front grill would have hit me squarely in
the back.
Shaken up and scared I limped myself and my bike to the train
home. I sat at the train and journaled. The page is mostly garbled nonsense,
physical hyperventilation; mental diarrhea on the page. I got home and freaked
out with my roommate. When I took my sweater off you could see the imprint of its
woolen knit in my left tricep, an indentation that matched the curve of their
side mirror. You could see the indentation and feel the texture of the sweater.
Six inches to the left and my elbow would have been shattered. A foot to the
right….
Anyway you get my point; that was 11 years ago. I never
commuted by bike again. 2 summers ago I dusted off my bike and rode around my
hood, grotesquely out of shape the ride up and down my block left me gasping
and wheezing, my heart rate peaking at an obscene number. Not to mention the anxiety of wondering if I’d
be hit again. Cars coming up behind me nearly gave me a panic attack.
That one moment turned me off from biking. It’s not the only
reason I gained weight over the years but it’s an easily identifiable moment
that helped to lead to my weight gain. Over the last 10 years I’ve gained a ton of
weight. I’ve had this mental picture of myself as kind of pudgy, like I was at
about 27. It didn’t occur to me that I was a fucking statistic in the American
War on Obesity.
A coworker took pictures at a meeting and gave me a copy of
one of me. Sweet jesus. I didn’t recognize myself. I realized I had gone from pleasingly
curvy to fat. Over the last 2 years I’ve tried a variety of diets. Nothing
worked well for me. I’d lose 5 pounds, 10lbs, gain 5, and then maintain at a
specific weight for a few months then gain it all back. I visited a Doctor,
finally found one that accepts my health insurance and was accepting
adult patients. I was diagnosed with PCOS and put on medication.* Since beginning
the meds and watching what I eat I’ve lost 15 pounds in the last 4 months. I
also feel a whole hell of a lot better. I started to wear a pedometer at my Doctor’s
urging and came to the conclusion I’m sedentary, especially during the week. I’m not an over eater, I sit on my ass. I’m
nowhere near in shape enough to run let alone do a decent workout but my goal
is that when I get down to a comfortable enough weight I can begin to make my
way back to decently fit. I’m not striving for my peak of physical fitness but I’d
like to not be a statistic in the war on obesity.
I didn’t notice much of a change in the first 2 months but
in the last 2 I have. All my jeans are loose and I have to wear a belt
otherwise everyone will get a view of my underwear. My face and neck are
thinner. I feel better. I have more energy. Holy crap it's great. I'll keep you all updated on the weight loss, but I won't blog about it too much more.
*Shall we discuss this? My DR put me on birth control; it’s
a way of forcing my body to work properly. I do however find it very very
ironic that I’m taking birth control #1 as a lesbian and #2 for ovaries that
don’t work right. There are some interesting
side effects that are listed on the unusual side for this particular medication
and several of which I’m having, but the
best is: lack of appetite. I understand that this may be an issue for a thinner
person but for me it’s pretty damn perfect.
Not only am I on a diet but I’m not hungry. A couple of my friends have
asked me “What about blood clots, aren’t you worried?” And I have to say that
no, I’m not. Honestly, how about we put your lady junk on strike for 3 years
and you get back to me about how bad your PBS, cramps and weight gain are?
Seriously, your lady parts need to work right, it’s just how it is. These
little pills, with all their dangers, are helping me to get them working right.
Once I lose weight my Doctor and I will talk about taking me off of them. Right
now it’s good to know that some of the shit I’ve talked to Doctor’s about in
the past and have been dismissed as depression related are actually related to
the PCOS. Too bad the Doc I had previous didn’t look at my other health issues,
he just gave me a pill without listening to the real issues.
Now that I’m on my soapbox, ladies reading this, get your
lady parts checked out on a regular basis. If your periods are irregular, you’re
gaining weight and tired a lot, talk to your doctor about it. It’s better to
get PCOS cared for early rather than waiting until you gain 60+ pounds. Don’t
let your Doctor tell you nothing is wrong and just want to give you a script
for something else. See an OB/GYN, it’s really important!
**Additional humorous side story, how interesting is it that professors from a local Baptist college that kicks homos out of it's school hit a local lesbian?