Funerals are not easy for anyone involved; family, friends and acquaintances are all grieving in their own manner. I’ve decided that when I go I want to be cremated with a small ceremony for my family and friends. It would be against everything I believe (or don’t) in to have a pastor, reverend or rabbi saying a prayer over my body. I’d like my family and friends to get together in one of my favorite places and have few drinks and tell stories, maybe cry a bit. Then I’d like my family to scatter my ashes over a few of my other favorite places. The headstone can rest at the family farm at the cemetery on the hill.

Going to a funeral should rightly make you realize your own mortality and consider, carefully, how you are leading your own life. On the ride home Christie and I discussed our options. Things straight people take for granted we have to weigh and get a lawyer involved so that our opinions are made clear, legally, for anyone who may question them. Massachusetts has, for now, gay marriage but we have not yet married and should that law fall to the religious right wing we’ll still need to be sure our will and wishes are in order. The prospects of not having all this in order are frightening and clear. I’d have to fight to keep my house, fight to keep our assets and in general do a lot of junk that most people take for granted.

So while my heart is heavy for my friend and her family my mind is racing considering the aspects of what we need to do in case something tragic happens to us. I hope to not have another dear friend cry in my arms and sob the words “I just don’t know what I’m going to do without him/her.”