Author Archives: leslie

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Comparison is the thief of joy. Apparently this quote can’t be fully attributed to anyone I previously was told it should be, though many have said the same with more or less words. Even if Teddy Roosevelt didn’t say it, the sentiment stands important.

When I apply this to art it has several meanings:

  • Comparing my art to the art of others is not helpful to my artistic journey.
  • Comparing where I am on my artistic journey does not help me grow.
  • Comparing my life situation to the situation of others is not helpful for my growth and journey.

I bring this up because there have been a series of vlog like videos and essays popping up in my YouTube and social media feeds that are about comparison- of the artistic self to other artists. (I will not link to them so as to not boost their popularity.)

Painting and drawing classes in college and grad school often have a section at the end of a project called: THE CRITIQUE. I always hated the critique. It always featured the professor, often a blow hard tool, giving you constructive and not so constructive feedback on your art. Which was then followed by your peers also giving you constructive and not so constructive feedback on your art. There was always at least one guy in the group who wanted to kiss the professor’s ass by shredding everyone’s work, especially if his work was critiqued harshly by the professor. THE CRITIQUE was only helpful to those who the professor adored and only the most capable of draughts-people.

For the rest of us it was a study in annoyances and judgement.

For many of us it set us up to compare ourselves to other artists for life.

It’s a habit I still struggle to break.

When I’m feeling down on my art I find myself leaning back into old critique habits. 

I wish I could say that 17-21 year old Less was a big enough person to stand strong and participate in THE CRITIQUE in a way that felt good to her. But no, I leaned into what others did and I learned the art language of destruction and I participated in the tear down rather than the build up.

I find myself using that old language:

  • derivative
  • not original
  • needs work on….. (fill in the blank on something you feel doesn’t work in your art)
  • composition would be better if….
  • colors are garish, colors are muted
  • needs more contrast
  • we’re responding to this not because it’s a competent drawing but because of your use of color, which is quite good*
  • You’re using what materials for this class? Hmmm, okay.**

In grad school we did a similar but less… intrusive practice. In this you personally interrogated your own art work. The intent wasn’t to critique if it was a good or bad painting but to explore what it meant/means to you personally. You asked it questions, interview style, to determine it’s meaning. This is something that you might think would call to me as someone who has personally stated again and again that every art journal page is a meditation, every art journal page has the surface meaning and the deeper meaning from the making, and that only the maker of the art has the full meaning, everything else is an interpretation.

Part of my response to this interrogation of the art was due to the professor- a blow hard old dude of a certain age who name dropped big name artists in the area and that he owned a condo near the college, that he earned passive income on this that or something else. He also admitted and bragged about getting ideas for his essays and books from conversations he’d had with students. In a conversation with me, he said, “Oh are you going to develop (an oof hand comment I’d made) into an essay or an article? Because if you don’t I will.” He seemed surprised when I said, “I’ve already published something about that.”

Anyway, this dude walked around playing a drum or kalimba as we painted and then asked us to sit in front of our art and ask it questions. Our art pieces were 4x6ft in size and made of an assortment of materials. Mine were made of cheap acrylics.

He gaped like a goldfish when I folded mine into a compact little package so I could take it on the train.

In that moment, I knew what I had to do.

The following class I set up a couple of tables and procured a large ruler and proceeded to tear my large painting down to manageable chunks. He was not in the room when I began. He walked in and the playing of his kalimba missed a beat. He gasped as I looked up, made eye contact, and tore my large painting into 10×18 inch chunks. “What are you doing?” The classroom went silent. The kalimba has stopped. Eyes were on me.

“I’m making a book.” I replied.

“Why?” He asked, his kalimba started again but still off beat. “It’s how I work. I make books.” “I don’t like it.” He replied. I grinned, “That’s okay. I do.”

My peers were agape. Several of my friends smiled, also disliking this guy.

I then gathered the book chunks into stacks and folded them into signatures. I used a thick chunky hemp cord I found in the studio. I waxed it with a chunk of sticky bees wax.

My final project for the class was a book 9×10 inches and an inch thick of pages hand torn from paintings I made in that class. The paper thick with paint and ink. In the end he begrudgingly admitted that the book was beautiful but he mourned the loss of my larger paintings. He wasn’t amused when I stated that I didn’t miss them and that the only way I’d have kept them was in book format.

The final project was healing because I was able to cathartically release THE CRITIQUE and engage in healing around the destructive practices I’d learned when young. I released some of that pent up frustration I’d gained. I was able to speak up as an artist and state, “This works for me.” While also respectfully exploring how a person can represent a whole group of others.

I still have that book.

I’ve learned a whole lot more about that professor over the years and I’m not the only person who had a negative reaction to him. My internal instincts were spot on.

*actual quote from a professor

**another actual quote from a professor

Getting Better at Art

I mentioned in a previous post that I’d explore the topic of what it means to “get better at art.”

Each of us has a different definition of what better means.

I believe it helps to define what better means. If I look at the art I’m making and I’m thinking, “I can do that better. ” Or, “I don’t like that.” I need to figure out why I don’t like the piece or why I think it needs to be better.

For instance, I have felt like my landscapes were off, and it was easy for me to look at them and label them as stiff and boring. Around 15 years ago I looked at my portraits and thought, “I’d like to do those better.” Initially with portraits that meant doing them realistically. Then I realized I wanted them to be more about the personalities than fully realistic. Vibes not realism. So I set about getting looser with my portraits.

As for my landscapes I’m making a lot of landscapes. I’m forcing myself to look at values and contrast and I’m making myself work loose.

I’m using chunky materials on toned papers and attempting to be loose. I’m looking at the values. I’m making values studies. I’m trying to work fast. I’m trying to get the idea down and then go back and add in more contrast and value. I’m worrying less about details and more about the vibe of the landscapes.

In just a week of concentrated study my landscapes have gotten better. (IMO)

It’s back to basics but it is also defining what I mean by getting better. I could have just made a few dozen landscapes without a goal in mind, but without that goal I flounder. Without a goal I make image after image and get frustrated about why my art isn’t getting to where I want it to be. I go in circles.

With a goal I can try different things with different materials.

Currently I’m feeling better about my landscapes in the kid’s tempera sticks but I attempted a landscape in watercolors and it was stiff and lacked the fun of the landscapes in the kid’s tempera sticks. So my new goal is to work on landscapes in watercolors but to explore making them feel loose and spontaneous and fun.

Values Studies and Ink Wash

I recently took part in Ohn Mar Win’s Patreon hangout. She puts up photos and everyone draws and paints. Really kind of fun and something I want to challenge myself to do more of in the new year. But I need to find balance*.

Anyway, it made me realize that my landscapes are stiff and don’t feel as good as those i made years ago. I don’t know that I’ve shared here that in the early 2000s when I lived in VERY rural Maine I used to drive around Washington County and draw and paint local landmarks and scenic images. I’d then load them up to eBay starting at 1 cent or 10 cents. eBay had some sort of promo if you started your listing for 1 cent it was cheaper. I did a LOT OF that. I have very few images left over from that time period because I sold most of them for a few bucks. You might think that’s a shame but I literally paid my rent that summer** by selling landscape drawing and paintings of West Quoddy Head and Roques Bluff State Park to people all over the world.

Honestly, as an artist paying rent by selling art is a good feeling. Also, if I’m totally honest I lived in a tiny apartment and I needed to get it gone. Continue reading

Values Journaling Series

My Values Journaling series of videos is currently finished and loaded to YouTube. I might try to edit them down for the TikTokers out there, but for now I see value (ahem) in keeping them long. This way you see the process.

Here they are:

The importance of Support and NOW

My grandfather told me he’d always wanted to be an artist, specifically an oil painter, but as a poor kid from a poor family he joined the Coast Guard. Mostly because it was the only branch of the military where he could guarantee that he would never get on a plane. This was back in the late 40’s so I guess that makes sense. 

He served until he was injured falling from a ladder. I’m not sure exactly what happened with the injury but I do know it hurt his back and his hip. He had a lump that he was told was scar tissue. In the early 90s the lump grew and started to be painful. The doctor’s did a biopsy and found that it was still benign and just scar tissue but in the exams they found that he had lung cancer.

He died at 67, never having picked up a brush.

This has always been a driving force behind my art making and encouraging others to make art. Part of me wonders what kind of art my grandfather would have made, had he ever gotten the encouragement to pick up a brush. Especially if his family had the means to encourage him to pick up a brush.

I imagine him making paintings of forests and fields, things that celebrate the home and life he had made. Maybe he would have painted cars and trucks- the things he repaired as part of his job as one of the head members of the maintenance team at the local University.

I wonder. 

One of the big things I wonder about is what would happen if we were all given support around the things we love and care about? I’m thinking about Karen Faulkner.*

If you don’t know the story, Karen Faulkner is a Harvard grad venture capitalist who started to ride a bike for enjoyment and exercise in 2017. She made the US Olympic team as a replacement. She quit her venture capital job in 2021 to ride full time. She won gold in the women’s olympic cycling event at 31.

There’s a lot to unpack here. She went to Harvard, most of the reports I read failed to mention that she rowed for Harvard and holds rowing records. So she was already fit. She was a venture capitalist** so she made a fair amount of money.

What does this have to do with art?

Nothing really, but it goes to show that if you have support and systems and money you can quit your job and follow your dreams.

Many of the kids I work with are born into poverty and part of where I work, works to break the cycle of poverty through gaining scholarships and other financial help to send them to college.

I’ve been wondering how I can better support the people in my life and the people reading this with their art. How do we break generational poverty thinking and encourage more art making for art’s sake.

Throughout my life I’ve seen art and art making as an essential form of communication that reaches across boundaries and increases connection between people with differences. Art communicates. Art connects. Art heals.

Imagine if we all had just a little bit of the money a venture capitalist has and the art that would be made.

*forgive me for delving a little into my other love- cycling. I don’t follow races or even road cycling, but this story captured my interest.

**I have some serious ICK issues with venture capital. Look what they have done to NING and other companies.

links:

Olympic reporting

NBC Reporting

When the Internet Began

Remember when the internet was a collection of people doing interesting things and sharing them? It was always a little weird and fun. Now I sometimes feel like the internet is a bit of a cesspool of hate and fear mongering. In an effort of rejuvinating the weird and fun I present to you these little videos:
https://vimeo.com/darenjannace/10946?ref=tw-share 

Worth the effort to click that link. A guy made a video by animating 30 post it notes a day for one year. 30 frames= 1 second. Amazing and just under 7 minutes long. Fun. Weird. Old school internet.

Back in the day I used to troll EDC groups with my EDC Spork*. Some hated me, some loved me. This guy made a great video about a tactical wooden spoon. I love the send up of tactical EDC culture. Hilarious.

*I really need to start to carry my spork again. I’ve gotten out of the habit since my workplace has 2 full kitchens for use, but often I just use disposable stuff available from the places where I often buy my lunch. UGH.

Drawing from Life Informs the Imagination

I don’t design my pages. It has never been a thing that I do. I just draw and fit it to the page, occasionally I’ll put some text into a bare area and call it good. In a way the lack of design is design.

As I was working on a video about drawing cartoon faces I stated (paraphrasing here) that when I create a cartoon face I am drawing on all the experience I have drawing faces from photos and life. 

​The kids I work with complain about drawing from life, arguing that they need to work on their manga style rather than drawing stuff from life. They hate to hear that all the greats drew and still draw from life on the regular. Every time we put pen(cil) to paper it changes and alters our ability to render for the better.*

I did a vibey realistic drawing of a face today with pen and ink wash, a favorite technique. Then I went on to draw 7 different version of him with a few different materials. It was and is a great exercise in character design but also in seeing exactly how drawing real but with a focus on vibes and from “life” really informs my cartoon faces. Those characters can feel more REAL because I draw vibey realism.

I tested it with a fude nib, 2 types of gel pen, and a brush pen. Each gives a different feel to the cartoon face. 

As a further test I’m definitely going to test this idea out with the drawing tablet in Krita.

​* We can discuss what I mean by better in a future post.

Protecting my Peace

I recently got sucked into a clickbait title on YouTube. It was about community, well the title was about community. The actual video was a rebuttal about some toxic video a bully posted about another creator.

Part of me is relieved that this occurs in other online communities and not just the art journaling community. But a larger part of me was sad that jealous toxic behaviors seems to occur in other communities.

In these times community is so important. I learned while managing AJ Ning and therapeutic groups that toxic behavior must be dealt with ASAP for the health and safety of the community.

For me this means carefully curating my online interactions to only dealing with people who are respectful. I don’t mind disagreement or critique so long as it’s respectful. careful curation means that the minute I get a whiff of disrespect I block them. I have learned to value my time and energy and to protect it. a sketchbook page in Krita, yes those are my Comix Me.

I have learned that I no longer need to give disrespectful toxic people my energy. I don’t need to try and correct them or try to teach them to be better. I simply label their behavior and leave the room/online space. A heard learned lesson is to not think about it. To not let the toxic behavior live rent free in my head.

I recently wrote about my experience watching “Join or Die” a film about the need for joining clubs and groups in your community. It made me want to recreate AJ Ning in some form or another. But I know I do not have time nor the energy (right now) to do the work that a community like that needs on a day to day basis. Instead I need to concentrate on getting my channel back up and running. I need to focus on my art making and learning.

For now I’ll link to this great substack from Wendy Mcnaughton about emotional support and filling your cup.

Difficult Times Sometimes Require Doubling Down

Honestly I had hoped against my better judgement that this election would turn out differently. As soon as the dems announced Kamala I told my wife, “We’re screwed. If Hilary couldn’t get elected why do they think we can get a black woman elected?” But still I hoped that things would be different.

I always assume that people will know and understand that I’m a very liberal person but I’ve learned that things are very very complicated. A friend told me that his mom an immigrant BIPOC lesbian voted for Tangerine Mussolini. Why? She’s a citizen now so she’s safe.

I just can’t.

I’ve been making images as a way to process the weight of my disappointment in America. I’m muting and blocking hate from social media but watching the news to keep up. I feel muted, dull and a whole lot of anger. Anger is like any emotion, it needs to be sat with and processed. I do this best with my art journal and now my written journal. 

As I processed during the creation of my “Sit With your Rage” page I realized I need to double down on my beliefs and also on my art. Art is even more important that ever. I need to push through that dull muted feeling and allow myself to feel my disappointed rage and channel that feeling into art.

Freud* called this sublimation. I hope to sublimate a whole lot of art.

I’ve been thinking and planning a whole lot of stuff behind the scenes. One of these many things is to create more downloadable products that have a pay what you can structure as well as a series of items with a more normal pay structure. I want to make sure that a lot of my art journaling content is accessible to as many people as possible but also somethings just require a whole lot more effort.

With the news that Bezos funneled a whole lot of dollars to the Tangerine Mussolini I’m considering quitting Amazon as a whole despite it being where I make most of my content related revenue. Am I cutting my nose off to spite my face? Is it worse to get an affiliate contract going with AliExpress? Am I just trading a deal with one corrupt greedy billionaire with another? I need to think on it some more.

As for doubling down, I started to make high quality scans of some of my background pages, which I’m then bringing into Krita or Adobe, editing the image to the right size, and then making a high quality PDF good for printing on 8.5×11 inch paper. These have been a lot of fun to create and I’m enjoying the process.

I also started the process of hand lettering and inking an art journaling zine. Hence the learning how to get a good scan.

I have been looking at learning to ink digitally for months. I have been wavering between an iPad and a digital tablet. I was about to ask if I could borrow one from work to make a decision. Then I looked at the cost of an iPad and the fact I’m still playing off my new laptop.

The choice was made- a digital tablet is significantly less and I don’t have to learn a new OS. So I bought a very budget friendly Wacom clone and I’ve been trying to learn how to make it work for inking.

There is a steep learning curve. It feels weird and awkward. Last night as I was about to toss the tablet across the room I realized that learning to use this damn thing is a lot like learning to use any new pen and paper combination, hard. So I did a things I do with all my new tools, I set up some sketching pages and started to ham fist my way through learning. I learn best through doing and this is no exception. I feel awkward and lost and frustrated.

I made myself crank through the first part of a scribble page, and it sucks. I sketched and inked my characters and it also sucks.

But I’m learning.

And learning is good.

*yeah, he’s good for a quote, but honestly his methods are suspect.