I'll be participating in the 21 Secrets workshop. Head here for more info

DSC_0043
Originally uploaded by Sketchbuch

I love everything sketchbuch does great command of line and color, so simple and so nice.

pages two-three
Originally uploaded by align

I stumbled on align's flickr a month or so ago and I fell in love with the art, but also the poignant words within.

Originally uploaded by featherbed

If you've had a pet die, esp, one you've had for a long time you know how Laura feels.

Our Cocker Spaniel is 13 now and though still mostly healthy she's getting those near the end of life things elderly dogs get- benign fatty tumors, frequent ear infections, flaky skin and has slowed down a lot. I'm not looking forward to the morning when I wake and I have to break the news of her passing to Christie. I hope it's a few years off.

As a kid I was always science and technology minded. I was the kid who, to her parents horror and dismay, took apart all of her toys to see how they worked. I’ve drawn all my life but my parents and I fully expected that when I went to college it would be for physics and not art. Instead my Junior year of high school I plotted ways to get into RISD. My friend convinced me to sign up for calculus and another science class I dropped them in the first week to make room for senior seminar art and to give myself an extra free period to spend in the art building.  My parents and the friend were not happy.  I was.

As soon as I’d dropped the weight of the silly calculus class (I hate math, have always hated math and most likely will always hate math.*) I began to hang out in the art building. My now former friend was sure this meant I was doing scary drugs and cutting class. In truth I was wandering about the building and school with a box of pastels and a sketchbook drawing everything in sight. I suppose slightly dusty pastels could be snorted if one was so inclined, but suffice it to say that I was not doing any drug but art.

I was building a portfolio. My first week of class I talked to Mrs. Burrows about going to school for art and she was thrilled. We discussed what I’d need to do- lots of drawing from life, larger pieces and taking slides of a select group of my work. I did the work and Mrs. B took lots of slides for me.  It was a thrilling and interesting time for me. I had my heart set on RISD but applied to UMaine Portland and Orono.

As I try to rediscover my focus on art I’m reminded of this time of my life, 17 years old and driven to succeed, driven to get into the school of my choosing and driven to make it work in any way possible. After graduation (read my last post) discovering myself over the years and being horribly disappointed with the education system I had to rediscover that drive. How do I make this work? How do I get my work into the hands of the people who love it? How do I do what I love in this life? I revisit that time in my mind, the wise and sage words of Mrs. Burrows, “Listen kiddo, being an artist isn’t easy. I spent 15 years in the Navy, hated every waking moment of it now here I am doing something I like. But I’ll tell you the road isn’t easy, you’re going to hit some bumps and you may end up being 50 before you get to where you want, but you’re ambitious, you’ll get there. Just don’t expect to get rich; the road isn’t paved in gold.” **

So here I am 12 years after graduation and I’m rethinking my approach again. Thinking about how I’m technology minded, how I’ve been able to create an education system of my own. I’m teaching art the WAY I want to teach art. I have a curriculum that I created. No ifs, ands or buts about it, it’s mine and mine alone. I have a path and a direction for the way I want to teach. I could go on here about how the modern American educational system is broken beyond repair and how art is being cut from school daily, art teachers like myself, talented devoted people left without jobs because there isn’t enough funding to go around. Math and science have to be funded but something like art that teaches students how to think outside of the box is cut.

Knowing how to use technology has been very important to my ability to develop my classes and curriculum. Learning to use it has been interesting, challenging and wonderful. It’s opened up doors to me that would have been closed just a year ago. My friend Jane has asked me to speak to a local arts organization about social networking and technology for artists. I’m hoping after OSA: Drawing 101 is done for the year I can fit it in. I think it’d be wonderful to meet some local artists and expand my stuff to an in person venue, don’t worry though, if and when it happens I’ll UStream it!

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@Ineedtocreate tweeted today: Procrastination turns into stagnation.

My first though, seconds before I hit retweet was, “No shit Sherlock.”

Moments later @dooneystudio tweeted a link to her blog post about how people will work a McJob even while sick but not put forth the same effort for their art.

I’m not sure what it is lately about the internet but every thing that I need to have spoken to me has hit me with a right left combination and left me reeling. I graduated from UMaine in 1998. I went out into the world fully expecting to keep making art while I was teaching art to High School students. My outlook rose colored, I entered the workforce completely unaccustomed to getting up at 5am and working for 8 hours straight at something that that really didn’t interest me that much. I had a set curriculum to follow, the demand that I learn pottery though I abhor the process and a couple of rooms full of teens that didn’t give 2 shits about art.

My expectation was that I get my work into the local gallery, sell from there for awhile and then graduate to one a little further away and so on, until my stuff was hanging in Portland and or Boston. That is a very achievable goal for a hard working artist in the area in which I grew up and found myself dumped into after graduation.

What I didn’t expect was to hate the reality of waking up at 5am, as a certified night owl, 5am is a HARD wake up time for me, and if I wake that early I need a nap around 2 pm. (At the DayJob I often close the door to my office and power nap for 15 to 20 minutes or nap in my car.) I didn’t expect to really dislike some of the kids, and I mean dislike with a powerful burning passion. I had the student who threatened my life as well as the drugged out student athlete who drove around my home town until he found where I lived and would drive by late in the evening yelling things*** at the house and tossing beer bottles into the ditch. I also had the Principal who found out I was gay and harassed me daily and offered no support to me.

5 months into my teaching career my first serious girlfriend and I split after living together for close to 2 years. Losing my best friend, lover and support network all in one go drove me into a pretty deep depression. I stopped drawing, painting and meeting what few friends I had in the area. My life became a misery of 5 am wake ups, a grind of work, eating an unhealthy meal, spending time on the internet and watching network TV until 1 am. I hated my job and I hated my life.

A couple months into my misery a friend of mine came to visit me, unannounced as many of my friends did at the time; and as I’d stopped answering phone calls. I was sitting on the front doorstep attempting to draw the birdbath in pastels and failing miserably. Pastels had been a standby in school, something I could whip out a reasonable drawing with in little time and have it come out with reasonable accuracy. I vividly remember her asking me what I was drawing and me essentially having a hissy fit and tossing my drawing board to the grass. Normally I don’t display strong emotion, especially anger to my friends and my temper tantrum shocked her. We talked about the crap that was going on in my life. Instead of talking about the misery and abject depression; I expressed anger at my job and the goings on there. I was so hopeless at the time that I could only focus on those small petty incidents at work and was unable to express the deep misery I felt and the constant trauma and drama my ex was inflicting on me via the phone hence my not answering*.

I let myself procrastinate in my art and thus stagnate in my whole life. Shortly after that visit from my friend I managed to royally screw things up with her by being a complete asshole and at the time refusing to apologize**. I look back and realize that part of that screw up was that I didn’t deal with my depression and more importantly stopped working on the stuff that really mattered to me. I have ALWAYS been more happy in all aspects of my life if I am arting in some manner. It doesn’t matter if I’m drawing from life, working in my art journal or smearing paint on a page.

Since that time I have gone through a series of McJobs that I’ve abhorred and some I’ve liked (current job) but none that really address my passion: art.

So my goal for the next 2 years is to keep working on my art and put as much time and effort into it as I have the last 7 years working for the “man.” I want you, my readers, to help keep me on track and I’ll help you stay on track too!

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Kumi's colors, my lines
Originally uploaded by Floodfish

Floodfish on flickr does some amazing work. Another person you should head over to flickr and LOOK at every single item in their pool. Seriously great stuff, amazing colors, great line, lovely drawings

At the DayJob one of my coworkers is also an artist. He focuses primarily on printmaking but he also does some painting. He’s a pretty cool dude and I value his opinion and we chat (IM) a lot. A couple of days ago he told me, “So… I really dig the recent work you’ve been doing.”

It was the right thing to “hear” at the right time.

I recently offered to donate a couple of paintings to a family fundraiser for an in law that has cancer for the 3^rd go round. My offer was an attempt to be generous and attempt to help the family make some much needed dollars in a tough time. The offer was well received but with a caveat, it may not be the right venue to maximize the dollar amount.  

The last thing I want to see is my work go for much less than #1 it’s worth or #2 I can get for it. So after careful consideration and deliberation, as well as discussion with the in laws I decided to not donate my work but to donate something that will go with the “product mix” and crowd. As the in law described it as “not an arty” crowd.

As much as it hurts to know that my work is not right for a certain crowd, after all we all want to be universally loved and accepted, it’s better to know in advance that the work would not go for what it’s worth. I’m just controlling enough to want it to go for a certain amount and know that I can hold it and get the right money.

While selling my art (and craft) is a necessary endeavor for me as it forms a part of my income, my DayJob allows me to be picky enough in my sales that I can tell people to eff off if I don’t like the offer. Selling and offering to sell for charity to a certain extent removes that ability. While I’m bothered that my art isn’t right for a certain venue it’s better to know in advance.

The lesson learned here for me is that I need to learn the venue before I make an offer.

I’m sitting in my office/studio sipping my first cup of coffee of the day and enjoying the relative quiet of my ‘hood. At this time of day few cars are driving by and few people are even awake. In the hood, if your awake at this hour you’re either on your way to work, or headed to church. Mostly, though, I suspect most of my neighbors are sleeping off hangovers.

I look at Sunday mornings as a gift of sorts.  I relish the quiet and the solitude I feel and also I know I can drive just about anywhere and nto be stuck in traffic. When noon rolls around that won’t be the case. I’ve learned never to go out for breakfast on a Sunday either, unless I want to sit and wait for a seat or be very annoyed.

I’m looking at my 3 paintings I’ve got rotating in and out of the easel and really liking how they are working for me. They are all at various stages of work and I’m learning so much about applying paint, approximating HOW much paint to squeeze to my palette and paint mixing.

The quiet of the morning is punctuated by perfect breezes flowing through my windows. I shall enjoy this late summer day while painting and drawing at the beach. These paintings on the easel… They can wait for a less perfect day.

the fashion boy
Originally uploaded by Diana Köhne

Love this quirky little ink drawing.