Well folks. The scary part is over. My Mom's heart surgery went SPECTACULARLY well and she is very far ahead of schedule in terms of how she is progressing. She was out of the ICU in 24 hours and moved into her own room. Next week the hard work of coming home, cardiac rehab and the 3 month road to recovery begins. It will be the first time I do Thanksgiving dinner at my Mom's house. It's something I didn't expect to happen for another 30 years. That being said, I'm up for the challenge.
No matter what the doctors tell you and how prepared you think you are for the first 24 hours, you are never ready for it. That first visit is hard. You don't expect it. the tubes, the wires. You just don't. It's frightening and just too much to handle. Then things get better, eyes open, hands move, fingers squeezed. Then you know they will make it. You can see it. Things are better and they are good.
While this was the longest 48 hours of my life, I can't imagine what it was like for my mom. Though earlier today she didn't know what day it was.
I didn't get to do any journaling in the waiting room. It was too crowded, too many family members I've not seen in years and too hard to focus on pencil, ink and brush. Later when I came home for the evening I did manage to get a page done, only because I felt I had to get that feeling onto the page. It's stiff, gray and white on a colored background. Pencil and gesso. It was necessary for me to get that onto paper. It gives me an indication of how hard this was, how raw my nerves are and the intensity of the waiting room. Will I show this work? I'm not sure. i'll need to give this some time. I may block out part of the imagery, it's raw and personal. Its the open wound of my emotions on paper, and frankly I'm not sure if right now I'm that brave.