I have a confession to make. Most likely you've noticed that I've not been blogging as much, posting items to my flickr nor tweeting as much lately. Partially its because I've got a lot on my plate right now (hello, DayJob, when can I PLEASE have my life back?) and part of it is because I'm in a funk. I'm talking a good old fashioned BAD MOOD. I'm cranky, emotional and frustrated.
Here's the real kicker, you ready for it?
No, I haven't been journaling about it.
I know what you're thinking. And it's simply "What?"
I know. Part of it is that I've let WORK get in the way. I'm so tired when I come home that I basically crawl into bed. Every time I do this, I remind myself that I TOOK this job so that it would not interfere with my ART. Its why I left teaching in the public schools. It interfered with my art.
The thing is, with work, I am the same as I am with my art. I work hard. I always do. I do not have an off button when it comes to work or art. Unless I'm too exhausted to do it. I push myself to do more and more and more until, I can't. And that is where I am right now. Work tired.
The good thing about this? Well, my paycheck is very nice right now and bills are mostly getting paid and best of all it's almost over. (2 more weeks of it maximum.)
The good thing about it is that though I've been dog tired these last few weeks. (why does this dayjob/journaling rut always occur after I've been sick?) I've been able to think, and think a lot. First off the March Art Journal Challenge came of it, because lets face it I need out of this rut, so I'll be working along with everyone else in that challenge.
IN addition to all that I've decided that Grad School is no longer something that will loom in the distance it will go from dream to a workable reality in a shorter period of time than I had expected. It was on what my ex called "the 5 year plan.*" I've got GRE's scheduled for August, a study guide in my office and a CD and website to take practice exams. Keep your fingers crossed for me, I'll need a high score to get into where I want to go, and I'm keeping that secret (sort of) for now.
You might wonder what I want to study. Think about these online art classes I've been teaching. Think about education. The whole thing is fascinating to me. I'm not going to blow it all yet, but expect a new website, not related to art journaling to go up sometime in the near future, I'll invite you all to check it out when it becomes a reality.
With all this work stuff I've been reading a lot of stuff too.
The funk? It's predicated by the fact that I feel like something is my fault. I've apologized about it but really it's NOT my fault I just FEEL like it is and there is nothing I can do about it now. I understand that statement lack substance BUT it's the truth. I just need to let it go and move on. Because really, I'm over it. Clearly I'm not but you get what I mean. Sometimes old doors shouldn't be opened they should be left locked and tied up. Maybe even lag bolted shut. And really the place for this sort of emotional CRAP is in my journal and I'm NOT journaling because I don't have time. It's a never ending circle of CRAP.
*The Ex had this notion of 5 Year plans. Basically you plan out your life for the next 5 years. It never worked out and I generally use it as an example of futility. I'm more of a loose plans for the future and fly by the seat of my pants kinda woman.