I had an IM conversation with a buddy today that entailed us talking about doing what we love. That’s a common occurrence here on CSS. I’m striving to do what I love, pushing hard to get there, and really looking for the finish line that will allow me to leave my corporate job. I have a great DayJob but every night I come home and think about stuff I COULD be doing instead of the DayJob. I think things like “If only I had more time, I’d get that class finished. “or “If I didn’t have to be at work today I could finish that painting.” These are both valid concerns and worries. If I was able to hack at it 40 hours a week instead of 10, I’d be a lot further along in my book than 10,000 words. I’ve be able to commit to 2000 words a day instead of 500. I’d also be able to spend a lot more time painting, more time working on class materials and frankly those silly mistakes I make would stop, because I could focus on my goals, instead of splitting my time, mind and energy.

I have a goal in mind, a deadline to strive for, sabbatical in June or July and right now; I’m sorely in need of the time off to work on my art, to write and to rejuvenate myself.  

But also there is that need for pacing.

I took a month and a half off from my UStream show. I was getting stressed out and not enjoying it. Part of one of the “rules” that I’ve set for myself with this exploration of striving for my goals is that I won’t do anything that I don’t enjoy. Hedonistic, maybe, but also realistic. I won’t do anything for long that I don’t like. I’m back to doing the show, for now, but if I don’t like doing the show I won’t hesitate to cancel it. Frankly life is too short to do things you hate. I’ve spent the last 7 years doing things for other people, some of which I didn’t like at all. The change in direction toward doing what I love and pursuing my passion is supposed to be about enjoying life, not pushing myself into a new form of drudgery.

I realized this past week that part of pacing is spending more time with my family and really enjoying that time. Not being there in spirit and having my mind be elsewhere. Without my family I would not be able to push toward my goals. One can’t go for their dreams without the support and presence of their friends and family. Without Christie on my sideline cheering me on I’d probably still be wondering what I should do with myself.

This past week where Christie has been off of work and I’ve been pacing myself with the DreamJob has been amazing. There are always going to be ups and downs in a relationship but last week was amazing. There are things in life we need to stop and enjoy, family and friends are one of those things. I’ve been so busy pushing for the end result and being a work-a-holic that I’ve let myself loose contact with people that I am starting to really miss. I’m hoping to fix that over the next few months. I guess last week made me realize that HOME means as much as the DreamJob and way more than the Dayjob.