One of the key ways you can dissolve white page fear is to deliberately mess up the page with scribbles and smears of paint or ink. IN this video I use water soluble crayons and brushes to create thin light colored washed to put a bunch of color onto my page and get me loosened up.
I recently took part in Ohn Mar Win’s Patreon hangout. She puts up photos and everyone draws and paints. Really kind of fun and something I want to challenge myself to do more of in the new year. But I need to find balance*.
Anyway, it made me realize that my landscapes are stiff and don’t feel as good as those i made years ago. I don’t know that I’ve shared here that in the early 2000s when I lived in VERY rural Maine I used to drive around Washington County and draw and paint local landmarks and scenic images. I’d then load them up to eBay starting at 1 cent or 10 cents. eBay had some sort of promo if you started your listing for 1 cent it was cheaper. I did a LOT OF that. I have very few images left over from that time period because I sold most of them for a few bucks. You might think that’s a shame but I literally paid my rent that summer** by selling landscape drawing and paintings of West Quoddy Head and Roques Bluff State Park to people all over the world.
Honestly, as an artist paying rent by selling art is a good feeling. Also, if I’m totally honest I lived in a tiny apartment and I needed to get it gone. Continue reading
My Values Journaling series of videos is currently finished and loaded to YouTube. I might try to edit them down for the TikTokers out there, but for now I see value (ahem) in keeping them long. This way you see the process.
Here they are:
My grandfather told me he’d always wanted to be an artist, specifically an oil painter, but as a poor kid from a poor family he joined the Coast Guard. Mostly because it was the only branch of the military where he could guarantee that he would never get on a plane. This was back in the late 40’s so I guess that makes sense. 
He served until he was injured falling from a ladder. I’m not sure exactly what happened with the injury but I do know it hurt his back and his hip. He had a lump that he was told was scar tissue. In the early 90s the lump grew and started to be painful. The doctor’s did a biopsy and found that it was still benign and just scar tissue but in the exams they found that he had lung cancer.
He died at 67, never having picked up a brush.
This has always been a driving force behind my art making and encouraging others to make art. Part of me wonders what kind of art my grandfather would have made, had he ever gotten the encouragement to pick up a brush. Especially if his family had the means to encourage him to pick up a brush.
I imagine him making paintings of forests and fields, things that celebrate the home and life he had made. Maybe he would have painted cars and trucks- the things he repaired as part of his job as one of the head members of the maintenance team at the local University.
I wonder. 
One of the big things I wonder about is what would happen if we were all given support around the things we love and care about? I’m thinking about Karen Faulkner.*
If you don’t know the story, Karen Faulkner is a Harvard grad venture capitalist who started to ride a bike for enjoyment and exercise in 2017. She made the US Olympic team as a replacement. She quit her venture capital job in 2021 to ride full time. She won gold in the women’s olympic cycling event at 31.
There’s a lot to unpack here. She went to Harvard, most of the reports I read failed to mention that she rowed for Harvard and holds rowing records. So she was already fit. She was a venture capitalist** so she made a fair amount of money.
What does this have to do with art?
Nothing really, but it goes to show that if you have support and systems and money you can quit your job and follow your dreams.
Many of the kids I work with are born into poverty and part of where I work, works to break the cycle of poverty through gaining scholarships and other financial help to send them to college.
I’ve been wondering how I can better support the people in my life and the people reading this with their art. How do we break generational poverty thinking and encourage more art making for art’s sake.
Throughout my life I’ve seen art and art making as an essential form of communication that reaches across boundaries and increases connection between people with differences. Art communicates. Art connects. Art heals.
Imagine if we all had just a little bit of the money a venture capitalist has and the art that would be made.
*forgive me for delving a little into my other love- cycling. I don’t follow races or even road cycling, but this story captured my interest.
**I have some serious ICK issues with venture capital. Look what they have done to NING and other companies.
links:
Remember when the internet was a collection of people doing interesting things and sharing them? It was always a little weird and fun. Now I sometimes feel like the internet is a bit of a cesspool of hate and fear mongering. In an effort of rejuvinating the weird and fun I present to you these little videos:
https://vimeo.com/darenjannace/10946?ref=tw-share
Worth the effort to click that link. A guy made a video by animating 30 post it notes a day for one year. 30 frames= 1 second. Amazing and just under 7 minutes long. Fun. Weird. Old school internet.
Back in the day I used to troll EDC groups with my EDC Spork*. Some hated me, some loved me. This guy made a great video about a tactical wooden spoon. I love the send up of tactical EDC culture. Hilarious.
*I really need to start to carry my spork again. I’ve gotten out of the habit since my workplace has 2 full kitchens for use, but often I just use disposable stuff available from the places where I often buy my lunch. UGH.
I don’t design my pages. It has never been a thing that I do. I just draw and fit it to the page, occasionally I’ll put some text into a bare area and call it good. In a way the lack of design is design.
As I was working on a video about drawing cartoon faces I stated (paraphrasing here) that when I create a cartoon face I am drawing on all the experience I have drawing faces from photos and life. 
The kids I work with complain about drawing from life, arguing that they need to work on their manga style rather than drawing stuff from life. They hate to hear that all the greats drew and still draw from life on the regular. Every time we put pen(cil) to paper it changes and alters our ability to render for the better.*
I did a vibey realistic drawing of a face today with pen and ink wash, a favorite technique. Then I went on to draw 7 different version of him with a few different materials. It was and is a great exercise in character design but also in seeing exactly how drawing real but with a focus on vibes and from “life” really informs my cartoon faces. Those characters can feel more REAL because I draw vibey realism.
I tested it with a fude nib, 2 types of gel pen, and a brush pen. Each gives a different feel to the cartoon face. 
As a further test I’m definitely going to test this idea out with the drawing tablet in Krita.
* We can discuss what I mean by better in a future post.
I recently got sucked into a clickbait title on YouTube. It was about community, well the title was about community. The actual video was a rebuttal about some toxic video a bully posted about another creator.
Part of me is relieved that this occurs in other online communities and not just the art journaling community. But a larger part of me was sad that jealous toxic behaviors seems to occur in other communities.
In these times community is so important. I learned while managing AJ Ning and therapeutic groups that toxic behavior must be dealt with ASAP for the health and safety of the community.
For me this means carefully curating my online interactions to only dealing with people who are respectful. I don’t mind disagreement or critique so long as it’s respectful. careful curation means that the minute I get a whiff of disrespect I block them. I have learned to value my time and energy and to protect it. 
a sketchbook page in Krita, yes those are my Comix Me.
I have learned that I no longer need to give disrespectful toxic people my energy. I don’t need to try and correct them or try to teach them to be better. I simply label their behavior and leave the room/online space. A heard learned lesson is to not think about it. To not let the toxic behavior live rent free in my head.
I recently wrote about my experience watching “Join or Die” a film about the need for joining clubs and groups in your community. It made me want to recreate AJ Ning in some form or another. But I know I do not have time nor the energy (right now) to do the work that a community like that needs on a day to day basis. Instead I need to concentrate on getting my channel back up and running. I need to focus on my art making and learning.
For now I’ll link to this great substack from Wendy Mcnaughton about emotional support and filling your cup.
Honestly I had hoped against my better judgement that this election would turn out differently. As soon as the dems announced Kamala I told my wife, “We’re screwed. If Hilary couldn’t get elected why do they think we can get a black woman elected?” But still I hoped that things would be different.
I always assume that people will know and understand that I’m a very liberal person but I’ve learned that things are very very complicated. A friend told me that his mom an immigrant BIPOC lesbian voted for Tangerine Mussolini. Why? She’s a citizen now so she’s safe.
I just can’t.
I’ve been making images as a way to process the weight of my disappointment in America. I’m muting and blocking hate from social media but watching the news to keep up. I feel muted, dull and a whole lot of anger. Anger is like any emotion, it needs to be sat with and processed. I do this best with my art journal and now my written journal. 
As I processed during the creation of my “Sit With your Rage” page I realized I need to double down on my beliefs and also on my art. Art is even more important that ever. I need to push through that dull muted feeling and allow myself to feel my disappointed rage and channel that feeling into art.
Freud* called this sublimation. I hope to sublimate a whole lot of art.
I’ve been thinking and planning a whole lot of stuff behind the scenes. One of these many things is to create more downloadable products that have a pay what you can structure as well as a series of items with a more normal pay structure. I want to make sure that a lot of my art journaling content is accessible to as many people as possible but also somethings just require a whole lot more effort.
With the news that Bezos funneled a whole lot of dollars to the Tangerine Mussolini I’m considering quitting Amazon as a whole despite it being where I make most of my content related revenue. Am I cutting my nose off to spite my face? Is it worse to get an affiliate contract going with AliExpress? Am I just trading a deal with one corrupt greedy billionaire with another? I need to think on it some more.
As for doubling down, I started to make high quality scans of some of my background pages, which I’m then bringing into Krita or Adobe, editing the image to the right size, and then making a high quality PDF good for printing on 8.5×11 inch paper. These have been a lot of fun to create and I’m enjoying the process.
I also started the process of hand lettering and inking an art journaling zine. Hence the learning how to get a good scan.
I have been looking at learning to ink digitally for months. I have been wavering between an iPad and a digital tablet. I was about to ask if I could borrow one from work to make a decision. Then I looked at the cost of an iPad and the fact I’m still playing off my new laptop.
The choice was made- a digital tablet is significantly less and I don’t have to learn a new OS. So I bought a very budget friendly Wacom clone and I’ve been trying to learn how to make it work for inking.
There is a steep learning curve. It feels weird and awkward. Last night as I was about to toss the tablet across the room I realized that learning to use this damn thing is a lot like learning to use any new pen and paper combination, hard. So I did a things I do with all my new tools, I set up some sketching pages and started to ham fist my way through learning. I learn best through doing and this is no exception. I feel awkward and lost and frustrated.
I made myself crank through the first part of a scribble page, and it sucks. I sketched and inked my characters and it also sucks.
But I’m learning.
And learning is good.
*yeah, he’s good for a quote, but honestly his methods are suspect.
Some of you may know that for years I worked a retail gig, and even when I had worked my way up into the admin office and eventually the regional office, I still worked the holidays. Expectation in retail is that all hands are on deck.
Part of my reason for going to grad school was to not have to work the holidays. I missed seeing my family on the important days. Also, nothing will make you hate the holidays like working retail and dealing with how awful some people are.
I’m taking the whole week around Turkey Day off. Why? Because I can. I’m also taking about a week and a half off around Christmas and New Year’s. Why? Again, because I can.
Turkey day is the last time we visit my family until warmer weather.
Every time we visit I overpack art supplies and think I’m going to make all sorts of art and spend a lot of time journaling. Instead, I watch movies, YouTube, and generally relax.
I’m about to go through this process again.
I have decided to take with me:
Related:
Because I know that I won’t make that much physical art what I am hoping to do is to get some time in on the drawing tablet and get more comfortable on it. I’m feeling more confident but still awkward.
I also hope to get more of the journaling zine ready to go. I’ve got a lot of typing to do on it before I can do the hand drawing I want to do. I’ve wanted to scan and reprint some of the Useful Journaling and make them into a download and printable.
As for Christmas, I really want and need to get some real stuff done around the house, plus really dive deep into the zines I’ve had churning in my brain for the last few years.
I’ve been really enjoying my morning spreads and pages that I’ve been doing and I’ve got to scan a bunch more of them. It’s been quite cathartic to think about art in the face of difficult times.
During Tangerine Mussolini’s first term I spent a lot of time making zines, but also I spent a lot of time in those first COVID lockdown months feeling very flat and strange. Looking back much of that time was very surreal and I realized how much I prefer being able to GO SOMEWHERE on the regular. Even if that is work. I turned half my yard into a garden, which I have not continued to maintain… We’ll see about this spring.
Anyway, I have memories that seem very surreal, but this go round I want to make sure I’m making more art and connecting locally and further out.
Anyway, I’m going to go make art. I hope you do too.
My video making process is pretty straight forward, and there are 2 styles when it comes to my art videos- talk while I art and voice over. I prefer the talk while I art despite it being a little more garbled and often make a little less sense. The voice over is a lot more work.
The videos are both shot in the same way. I have an overhead rig that I created out of mini lightweight light stands for creators or influencers (ugh). I then have a pole that goes across and over my art making area that is made up of a leg from an old broken tripod. I have a lot of lights mounted because the office where i work is so dark. This is the one downside of this house- the light in the rooms where i have had my workspaces has terrible light. It’s always been this way. I miss our old apartment and its’ amazing light filled rooms.
The camera lives on a mount above the space. It is always ready to go. I make sure that the batteries in the mic and the camera are always charged and that there is a card in the cam.
I make it so I have no excuses to not turn on the camera when I sit down to make art. I don’t record everything, but I am now recording A LOT.
I do have to remind myself to turn the mic on. It is the one thing I really do struggle with.
It doesn’t take long to fill up a terabyte drive when you shoot high quality video.
Basically I record in the morning before work, or occasionally after work. On Saturdays I transfer a week’s worth of video to my laptop and also move already completed videos to an external hard drive. Currently I’m saving the videos I used to make the videos but I think I’m going to only keep the finished videos, though part of me wonders if that is a mistake. Especially considering how cheap SSD and SD cards are.
Once the files are on my laptop I open up CapCut. Yes, I taught myself Davinci Resolve and used Adobe Rush and use a cheap online editor. Why? I can auto make YouTube thumbnails with it and once i figured out how to edit the audio it works fine.*
It’s robust enough to do what i need since I shoot everything consecutively or in chunks that make sense.
Anyway, I pull the video into CapCut and process the audio first. I level the audio- push a button that brings the lows up and squashes down the peaks where I speak too loudly. Then I push another button that separates the speaking from the background noise. This is helpful when I have a lot of trucks tearing up the road in front of my house. It does leave a bit of a hollow artifact that I think I could fix in Davinci or Rush. sadly my new laptop can’t run Rush.
I then go through my video and remove the spots where I use a heat gun, fart or make other unpleasant noises.
I decide if there are areas where I want to speed up the video. I have found that most people want to watch the video at close to or at real time speed. I have decided that the most I’ll speed up my video is 2x for instructional videos and if I’m doing a voiceover of an art making, then I’ll use whatever speed make sense for the video.
If there are areas where I don’t talk, I add in cuts, full silence then and add music over those areas.
I then add in titles, text and end credits.
After all that I click another button and create the YouTube thumbnail. This involves finding a still in the video and adding text to it. this is where i think about the title to the video and the almighty algorithm and how search might find my video. I try to make something catchy but I fail at things people click on.
I am currently testing out “Getting Loose in Your Sketchbook” and “Fill Your Sketchbook” which seem to be the god awful click bait titles that are working. UGH I hate it.
This has been a bit of extra work as I play around with a glitch effect on the title. It’s fun but I think makes the title hard to read. I’ll probably quit using it for some of the stuff CapCut suggests in a colorway I like.
After all this I do a final check to make sure the title in the video and episode number is correct.
The episode number is really only there so I know what order I intend them for upload. I have and frequently upload them in a different order if the chosen order makes them fall on the wrong day of the week.
For instance, I don’t schedule review videos for Saturdays, those are for Tuesdays or Thursdays. I try to load a longer art making video on Saturdays because they seem to do better on those days. as for reviews, it doesn’t matter what day i load those, they always seem to get the same number of views no matter than day I post them.
Anyway, i’m writing this to avoid watching the election results roll in and it’s worked kind of.
* Though there are times when there is an echo that comes from the noise cancellation on the mic. It only happens when there is a lot of really loud ambient sound- like the construction happening on my street. Those are times when I record a voice over because the audio is trash.