I recently got sucked into a clickbait title on YouTube. It was about community, well the title was about community. The actual video was a rebuttal about some toxic video a bully posted about another creator.

Part of me is relieved that this occurs in other online communities and not just the art journaling community. But a larger part of me was sad that jealous toxic behaviors seems to occur in other communities.

In these times community is so important. I learned while managing AJ Ning and therapeutic groups that toxic behavior must be dealt with ASAP for the health and safety of the community.

For me this means carefully curating my online interactions to only dealing with people who are respectful. I don’t mind disagreement or critique so long as it’s respectful. careful curation means that the minute I get a whiff of disrespect I block them. I have learned to value my time and energy and to protect it. a sketchbook page in Krita, yes those are my Comix Me.

I have learned that I no longer need to give disrespectful toxic people my energy. I don’t need to try and correct them or try to teach them to be better. I simply label their behavior and leave the room/online space. A heard learned lesson is to not think about it. To not let the toxic behavior live rent free in my head.

I recently wrote about my experience watching “Join or Die” a film about the need for joining clubs and groups in your community. It made me want to recreate AJ Ning in some form or another. But I know I do not have time nor the energy (right now) to do the work that a community like that needs on a day to day basis. Instead I need to concentrate on getting my channel back up and running. I need to focus on my art making and learning.

For now I’ll link to this great substack from Wendy Mcnaughton about emotional support and filling your cup.

Honestly I had hoped against my better judgement that this election would turn out differently. As soon as the dems announced Kamala I told my wife, “We’re screwed. If Hilary couldn’t get elected why do they think we can get a black woman elected?” But still I hoped that things would be different.

I always assume that people will know and understand that I’m a very liberal person but I’ve learned that things are very very complicated. A friend told me that his mom an immigrant BIPOC lesbian voted for Tangerine Mussolini. Why? She’s a citizen now so she’s safe.

I just can’t.

I’ve been making images as a way to process the weight of my disappointment in America. I’m muting and blocking hate from social media but watching the news to keep up. I feel muted, dull and a whole lot of anger. Anger is like any emotion, it needs to be sat with and processed. I do this best with my art journal and now my written journal. 

As I processed during the creation of my “Sit With your Rage” page I realized I need to double down on my beliefs and also on my art. Art is even more important that ever. I need to push through that dull muted feeling and allow myself to feel my disappointed rage and channel that feeling into art.

Freud* called this sublimation. I hope to sublimate a whole lot of art.

I’ve been thinking and planning a whole lot of stuff behind the scenes. One of these many things is to create more downloadable products that have a pay what you can structure as well as a series of items with a more normal pay structure. I want to make sure that a lot of my art journaling content is accessible to as many people as possible but also somethings just require a whole lot more effort.

With the news that Bezos funneled a whole lot of dollars to the Tangerine Mussolini I’m considering quitting Amazon as a whole despite it being where I make most of my content related revenue. Am I cutting my nose off to spite my face? Is it worse to get an affiliate contract going with AliExpress? Am I just trading a deal with one corrupt greedy billionaire with another? I need to think on it some more.

As for doubling down, I started to make high quality scans of some of my background pages, which I’m then bringing into Krita or Adobe, editing the image to the right size, and then making a high quality PDF good for printing on 8.5×11 inch paper. These have been a lot of fun to create and I’m enjoying the process.

I also started the process of hand lettering and inking an art journaling zine. Hence the learning how to get a good scan.

I have been looking at learning to ink digitally for months. I have been wavering between an iPad and a digital tablet. I was about to ask if I could borrow one from work to make a decision. Then I looked at the cost of an iPad and the fact I’m still playing off my new laptop.

The choice was made- a digital tablet is significantly less and I don’t have to learn a new OS. So I bought a very budget friendly Wacom clone and I’ve been trying to learn how to make it work for inking.

There is a steep learning curve. It feels weird and awkward. Last night as I was about to toss the tablet across the room I realized that learning to use this damn thing is a lot like learning to use any new pen and paper combination, hard. So I did a things I do with all my new tools, I set up some sketching pages and started to ham fist my way through learning. I learn best through doing and this is no exception. I feel awkward and lost and frustrated.

I made myself crank through the first part of a scribble page, and it sucks. I sketched and inked my characters and it also sucks.

But I’m learning.

And learning is good.

*yeah, he’s good for a quote, but honestly his methods are suspect.