One of my goals this summer was to get past my “I only work in a sketchbook” syndrome. For so long sketchbooks and art journals have been the only place where I’ve had room to work that I’ve become entrenched in them and by entrenched I mean in a rut. When it came to working on loose paper I simply, didn’t.*
I avoided it. It’s almost as if my inner critic was whispering into my ear, “You aren’t worth working on loose sheets, or board or canvas. Those are for people who will SELL their work. Your work will sit in the studio gathering dust.”
So I gave myself excuses, no time, might as well just do a piece in the journal, that would make a good next image in the journal. Etcetera. How frustratingly boring.
So I built the pochade box with the intent of going to the beach and painting some little beach paintings. For a month after building it, it sat unused like a trophy of my DIY skills, gathering dust. The a week or so ago I packed it up, tossed my tubes of paint in the bottom, threw a bottle of water into my bag and headed to the beach. I painted these images.
Then I had my epiphany on my front porch while getting my mail and I taped several small 5×7 inch sheets to my little boards and decided to paint the rolling boiling sky as the clouds moved through.
I’ve painted more in the last few days than I have in the past 5 years, hell 10 years. Working on these little sheets of paper, throw away little sketches, has liberated me. I feel for the first time in 15 years free to create, loosely exploring a subject I enjoy (light, color, darkness) in small vignettes of seductive opposition and texture.
I love me some texture. Clouds are full of it, light on top of dark, dark behind bright. Wisps of light here and there dot the darker storm clouds and this transfixes me.
The colors that fill they sky amazing me, bright yellow in the morning sun and warm oranges in the setting sun along with bright pinks of the evening sky are reflected in the clouds.
I’m in love with it all.
*I’d like to point out that this was not always the case. I used to work quite large, full sheets of water color paper would hold my images. In college I had large sketchbook and I felt constrained by this. My 3rd year I took several sheets of watercolor paper and taped them to the wall under my lofted bad. I spent the year collaging drawings, doodles and paintings on paper to this base. One of my friend who later became my girlfriend** spent hours asking me questions because I had collaged an ink drawing of a gun to the temple of a watercolor self portrait. I’m shocked that there was not an intervention done. I was not suicidal but going through a rough time. The gun to the temple clearly illustrated the frustration I was feeling toward school, coming out and dealing with my friends and family.
**Lover? I dunno it seems such a lurid term.