Can I be honest here for a minute?

Well, I’m going to be, even if you said no. Isn’t that why you read my endless diatribes?

😉

I’ve been harboring an avalanche of self-doubt lately.

I
threw myself out there for something that I STILL can’t tell you about,
at least not for the next few weeks. The waiting game for knowing if it
will happen, or not, has taken it’s toll on my head. I’m questioning
everything now. Is this right? Is this wrong? Should I post that picture
of the page in my art journal that uses the word fuck? Or is it okay
because it’s a found line?* Do I need to be careful with what I write
here, because, you know, people are watching.**

Then
I had this crazy wonderful idea for a project that will kick off this
new thing I’ve been waiting on and the self-doubt has crept into that
too. Should I do it? Will people find it fake/inauthentic? Will people
make fun of me? Will it crash down around my ears in flames? Will I
suck? What will happen if it doesn’t work out?

This
doubting of everything is stunting the progress I’ve been making in my
art journal. The JF365 challenge has been huge for me, it uses a method
I’m familiar with and it’s been forcing me to explore topics I’ve
previously explored and look at them in new ways. But this doubt, man,
it’s the pits.

This
grand idea I had, the doubt is making me consider if I can do it. It’s
making me feel like I will fail, no matter what I do. No matter how I
try to reframe the doubts into a positive dialog it’s rough and my
brain, after allowing the doubt to seep in and fill all the crevices of
my noggin is freezing up and breaking apart the concrete of my resolve
to make my crazy idea work.

The
truth is I’ve allowed the self doubt to worm it’s way in and it’s up to
me to warm up and get it out of my head so I can move on with my art
and my crazy idea.

This post is the first is what I hope is many that is starting an open and honest dialog with you and myself.

*The last image of theheart shown is the one with the word fuck on it.
**Let’s not worry about WHO is watching, not yet, I’ll let that cat out of the bag in time.