Sometimes a Drawing Doesn’t Work Out

Last night, after reading for hours, and then watching some junk TV on Hulu I decided to do my "evening" mandala riff. I'm still figuring these things out. I'm digesting a huge quantity of info in a short period of time. I'm immersed in this stuff. So anyway. I started to work on mandala riff. I had an idea I really liked. I've been working with a combination of Pentel Hybrid Technica, Zebra Sarasa, and Uniball Signo pens. This idea simply flowed from the pen tip. I added some lines and more lines, i had some patterns and the mandala bit came in and I liked it a lot.
IMAG1215Some of the mandala riffs I'm doing are staying black and white and some are getting the color treatment. I couldn't decide if I wanted color or if I wanted to leave it as is.

I forged ahead and added color to the image and now I hate it. The dark shade I chose detracts from the sensitive patterns and lines I created with my pen work. The colors don't work well with the image I'd created. Immediately I was filled with regret for my color choice and for "ruining" my drawing with watercolor crayon. This isn't a feeling I usually have as I art journal. This is a completely foreign feeling. I've always thought of my art journal as a no hold barred playground. So to feel that I've "ruined" an image is new.
IMAG1216Immediately, I started to question the "why" and "hows" of what I was feeling. Why was I so disappointed in myself? Why did I hate this image so much?

I realized that this feeling was what I was meant to explore. Maybe not last night or even at this moment but over the next few days I'm going to be exploring all those questions.*

*and not all of it can be here on my blog because then I have to figure out how the hell I cite myself in APA when I write my paper. And honestly argh, that's a pain in the rear.