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Weekend Wordy: an end

Funerals are not easy for anyone involved; family, friends and acquaintances are all grieving in their own manner. I’ve decided that when I go I want to be cremated with a small ceremony for my family and friends. It would be against everything I believe (or don’t) in to have a pastor, reverend or rabbi saying a prayer over my body. I’d like my family and friends to get together in one of my favorite places and have few drinks and tell stories, maybe cry a bit. Then I’d like my family to scatter my ashes over a few of my other favorite places. The headstone can rest at the family farm at the cemetery on the hill.

Going to a funeral should rightly make you realize your own mortality and consider, carefully, how you are leading your own life. On the ride home Christie and I discussed our options. Things straight people take for granted we have to weigh and get a lawyer involved so that our opinions are made clear, legally, for anyone who may question them. Massachusetts has, for now, gay marriage but we have not yet married and should that law fall to the religious right wing we’ll still need to be sure our will and wishes are in order. The prospects of not having all this in order are frightening and clear. I’d have to fight to keep my house, fight to keep our assets and in general do a lot of junk that most people take for granted.

So while my heart is heavy for my friend and her family my mind is racing considering the aspects of what we need to do in case something tragic happens to us. I hope to not have another dear friend cry in my arms and sob the words “I just don’t know what I’m going to do without him/her.”  

Hard Honest Words and a lot of them

After my post about self doubt I sat down with my notebook and pen and wrote and wrote and wrote. I wrote hard honest words and it felt good. Today, I did the same I sat and I wrote more difficult honest words. Reading the false prophet garbage that guy was spewing made me realize I want to take this book to a different place, I want it to have more meaning than “Buy my book and you too can make art full time!” or “Buy my book and make my style of art journal.” That’s not what this is about. It’s about my pitfalls, the dumb shit I’ve done, the dark stuff as well as the bright sunshine of what is good.

The last 2 installments I’ve written, close to another 5000 words, have been about forgiveness and how I’ve given myself permission to forgive and love. It’s funny, some of us walk through life and that’s normal behavior for others of us (me included) we have to learn that forgiveness and love are real and powerful things, they aren’t tools. Well, they are but not in the way I once thought.

As I write this stuff I feel like I’m making it more real, in my head it’s been floating mumbo jumbo, a sort of loose collection of thoughts and beliefs. Things I’ve written about in my journals and felt too self conscious to share. Now I’m writing it down, still self conscious, but I think I’m sharing this more for me than for the potential readers. Writing this has been as healing as it was when I first had the half baked thoughts way back when. I’m sure not all of my thoughts are new, but they are about as real as it gets. My words are honest and raw. Some of it is hard to put to paper, and will be hard to transcribe to the computer. I’m dedicated to it.

 

 

Happy New Year, have some self doubt

I read a lot, maybe not the stuff I should read like more Jeanette Winterson and other good novels, but stuff like the recent blog posts by various and assorted entrepreneurial types. You know the guys that say things like “I make a six figure income, and let me teach you how. You can do it if you buy my book for only 2 payments of $29.99!” I get sucked in by the “Rah! Rah! Rah!” tone of their blogs and the implied chant of “You can dooooo it!”

I end up printing a copy of what they claim is their most recent book, but its really a 30 page introduction to their book that ends with 5 pages of why I should buy their book. The entire 30 page diatribe is about what the book will contain. Things like I will learn “How to find out if your passion can make ends meet” and “How to be a career changer.” The text is invariably filled with buzzwords stolen from other entrepreneurial writers, most who are many times better than the one who’s text I’m currently reading. Additionally they will mention, repeatedly that you can “leverage social media to do your marketing.” Throughout the whole thing I groan at the schlocky writing, the Rah! Rah! Rah! tone, the blatant theft of other people’s ideas, and the insane over use of buzzwords.

Yet I read along, because YES! I want to leave my DayJob, and if this guy who can’t edit his own writing (15 pages with 10 typos, not to mention the glaring errors in grammar) and lifts ideas from others can do it, well, damn it, so can I!

It also brings to the forefront of my mind that as I sit here and tap away on my keyboard traps that I do not want to fall into in my book. I don’t want that Rah! Rah! Rah! tone in my book nor do I want to seem to shout “You can dooooo it!”  Shit, I’m still half way there. I still have my DayJob, the closer I get to asking for that sabbatical the more frightened I get of not having a tether to reality, a paycheck, and health insurance.

I think that what these entrepreneurial books (if you can even call a 30 page pdf a book) lack is that real sense of fear. I feel like I’m leaving a blood trail for the next predator to come along; and pretty soon the bank will take my house, Nissan will come after my car, and the state will fine me for not having health insurance. While none of these are likely to come to pass, the fact remains that these are the worries that I have, and I’m sure they are the worries that others have as well. I’m not going to tell you that these are worries I’m able to squash down, these live in the forefront of my mind, constant nagging and painful.

In my mind I also have a choir of people singing, “You can’t make this work.” “You will fail.” “You will be miserable.” That’s real folks. That’s the reality of what is going on in my head. I worry, it’s what we type A personalities do.  Add to that the unknown of job prospects for my significant other and well, it’s a recipe for anxiety.

With all that being said there is a lot of positive going on too. I’ve got a lot of ideas for classes, things to do with AJ Ning, we’re working hard on the zine; and then I’ve got this whole book idea. I’ve got all this positive going on and the chorus still goes on in my head and my inner critic still tells me that I suck.

The whole point of this emo post is that I hope that I keep the book real, add parts where I write about my crushing self doubt, my appalling lack of clarity, and my inability to move forward. All that is what is real, not just the “Rah! Rah! Rah!” and the “You can dooooo it!”

Wordy Wednesday: Creative Commons; with attribution, non-commercial

In my world, copyright's purpose is to encourage the widest participation in culture that we can manage – that is, it should be a system that encourages the most diverse set of creators, creating the most diverse set of works, to reach the most diverse audiences as is practical.- cory doctorow

The above quote got me thinking about copyright, people stealing my designs, and the wide open world of the internet. Last weekend, most of you may have missed it, as I failed to announce it, I opened my entire flickr stream up to Creative Commons(CC), Attribution, non-Commercial. I had the setting previously to All Rights Reserved. I read this article with the above quote this AM, about a week after making the decision to go creative commons with my photos. I've also made the difficult decision to set my blog, back to the first entry on blogspot to the same creative commons as the flickr set.

This has been something I've been mulling over for months. I see the internet and thus my blog and photos as communication. I've always seen the important part of them is as a tool of communication. By setting my flickr to "all rights reserved" I forced people to ask permission before blogging one of my photos, or worse yet, forcing them to make the choice between asking permission and just not blogging one of my images. Over the last year I've seen how foolhardy that is, first hand.

Over the last year I've featured a lot of artists here on my blog from flickr. I've been forced into the same choice I've forced people into- ask permission or not blog. I'm ashamed to say, I've made the choice to NOT blog more times than I can count. I started out with the whole idea of the feature from flickr to showcase some of the work that makes my heart pitter patter, things that bring both enjoyment and inspiration into my life. When you go "all rights reserved" the viewer entranced with your image is forced to ask you permission to post your images. Flickr takes away the easy access. I'm forced to go from the awe and inspiration phase into thinking about business before I hit "post." Instead I hit "send flickr mail" and type up a quick email asking permission. More often than not I get no response. So after sending several hundred "Hey can I post your pic?" emails I quit.

I quit because a blogger asking an artist's permission to use their art- with attribution and a link back to the original image with a paragraph about WHY the blogger loved the image wasn't enough to get a response from most people. I have my flickr mail set up to send me an email. I can read the email and decide if I want to respond with a yes or no. I'm willing to bet from the utter lack of response I've gotten when I asked permission that most people don't have that set up. Or people just didn't care about getting their work posted on someone's blog.(Even with hundreds of readers a day!)

The real question is why would any artist want to shut down an avenue for more people to hear about and see their work? The more eyes on your work= the more potential sales. The more people talk= the more sales. To me allowing people to easily blog my images is a win-win situation. They write about my work and people see it= win. If someone wanted to use my images to illustrate a blog post, they can easily do that, all they need to do is link back to either my blog or the original image in flickr. Again, I see this as a winning situation.

Recently one of my favorite artists went from easy access sharing to no access. I was looking through her flickr stream and found a whole host of images I was considering posting with a week devoted to her work. When I went to set up the posts, I was shut down. I was no longer able to use the flickr "post to blog" option, nor was I able to use the "embed image" option. The artist had shut down all options to share her work with others. I was and remain baffled. This is an artist who has had several shows of her work and is well establish and until 3 weeks ago, allowed open sharing of her images, with attribution as long as there was attribution, which I had always given. I have to wonder why someone would do something like that.

On one of Hazel Dooney's recent FB updates I wrote that I felt people should have more access to artists and their work. CC is one way to do that.

Of course, there are always people who are going to steal your stuff. It's the nature of people, the internet, and commerce. Like it or not we're in a commercial business (like it or not art, writing, and images are commodities) and we have a choice- let people steal or take control of our commodities and sell to people what people steal from us. I, for one, am tired of people stealing my designs. So, I will continue to make and design my stuff but I'm going to open a lot of it up to the CC and see what happens. Make anything I create for yourself but start to sell and we'll see what happens. This isn't tricky legal territory. You can read all about the CC here and educate yourself in it, it's less complicated than you think. It also puts the screws to the people who would take your hard work and rip you off.

I tweeted that I was frustrated that people had essentially stolen my pen slip design and were offing the product at a premium price. I'll be honest it's frustrating to use my creativity and come up with an idea that is immediately ripped off. Eventually I gave up on making the pen slips I'd been handcrafting in my basement, individually with care and attention to each one. I gave up becuase I felt I couldn't compete. I see now exactly how misguided I was by giving up. People will always buy the original from the original. There lies my big mistake. Should I start up on production again, it won't seem like I'm the original, no I'll seem like a copy cat, though I've got images in my flickr pool dating to way back in 2006. Giving up was the worst idea I've ever had. I've been kicking myself about it every day.

When I realized that I was doing the exact same thing I hated on flickr, I knew I had something to fix. I looked through flickr and figured out how to make the change and made the best CC licensing choice for me. Should you want to use one of my images in a commercial manner, email me. We can talk, but if you want to feature me on your blog, that's easy, now! Use the flickr share option and share away!

Happy Holidays

I want to take a brief moment and thank everyone for coming by my blog and reading. You give me constant inspiration and enjoyment. I truly enjoy and read every comment, though I can't always comment back (I hope that changes in the coming year) I want to thank YOU all for commenting and making this past year wonderful.

I hope that your holiday is as warm and bright as mine is shaping up to be. I wish you love and happiness for the holiday and the upcoming year. Make art!

 

As a thank you to all the blog readers, I'm announcing here first that I'm going to offer OSA: Drawing 101 as a self study session. You can read more about it here.

A little hiatus, back in the new year

So as you’ve noticed I’ve been absent from my blog and from the internets. Sometimes I need a break from the whole internet to recharge and reinvent the blog.  Part of this has been that I’m writing my new classes (3 of them swwwweeeeet) and I simply don’t have time between the DayJob, the Zine, and course development to devote as much time as I would like to the blog. I try not to post stuff that isn’t well thought out and my mind is eye-ball deep in course development and I have trouble thinking of anything else. Shifting gears is hard when the mind is a jumble of so much stuff.

That being said, my devotion to making a good, well planned and well thought out course is what is causing me to hit the skids on the blog. I’ll be back in January with a plan, Stan; hopefully it will be one everyone likes to some extent.

I’ve also been on winter vacation from UStream. With my studio being cold, the Dayjob hours picking up due to the holidays, and other various stuff; I haven’t been able to make a plan for it that I like. When I go back to it I will not be broadcasting EVERY week, rather I’ll go to a once a month or every other week format. Why? It was stressing me out. On days I wasn’t able to broadcast I’d get a bunch of offensive tweets that made me not want to do the broadcast ever again. It's not cool to threaten suicide because someone can't broadcast. I started doing the UStream because it was fun, suddenly it got a whole lot less fun. When I go back it will be with certain rules for the chat. I’m not putting up with rudeness or harassment of any sort, period. Anyone who partakes in fighting will be blocked, both parties. Anyone who is rude will be blocked. Anyone who gives me a hard time via twitter/FB or chat will be blocked; banned for life. I'm not going to warn people either, behave or get out. Life is too short to deal with ridiculous shenanigans in a damn chat. I’ll try it out for a month or 2 if I’m still feeling irritated by UStream I’m done with it except for classes.

So I've made a few plans for when I come back, the first show will be showing you how to make the midori traveller knock off. The next will be exploring some simple pamphlet binding options. After that I'm still up in the air for what I'll be doing. I think you'll notice I'll be doing a lot more bookbinding on my show in addition to the usual art journaling.

 

Faux Midori Traveler

<p>So this weekend (or was it last week) I made a Midori traveler knock off. Essentially I really liked the idea of the Traveler system but hated the idea of being tied into weirdly sized notebooks; also the price tag of $40USD was a tad to steep for me. So I took a look at the system- a sheet of stiff leather, hole dead center for the closure and 2 holes at the center of each long side with a piece of elastic cord threaded through the holes. Easy to replicate.</p>
<p>For my first UStream show in January I’ll be showing you just how to replicate this thing, it’s ridiculously easy. You’ll need to buy some leather to follow along. You’ll need to get a square foot of leather. There are loads of sellers on eBay selling all kinds of leather. You will want a stiff cow hide for this. Latigo is great because it’s been stiffened and colored. It’s also very expensive. You can get away with buying cheaper leather in the 5 to 7 oz range, mine was 4 oz and pretty stiff. If you get thinner or softer leather you’ll need to back it and we’ll discuss that in my show. Goat hide is also stiff enough to use for this project though usually pretty thin. Pick a color of leather you like and realize that its color will change over time- both as it ages but also from you handling it. However if you buy a tan color or even a chocolate brown color and you find you don’t like it when it arrives, don’t fret, you can change the color easily with acrylic paint.</p>
<p>Sheep hide is super soft and really nice to hold, but it’s not stiff at all and you will have to back it to make this cover usable. The same goes for deer hide, lovely stuff but again you’ll need to back it.</p>
<p>By backing the leather I mean that you’ll need to glue a sheet of paper or fabric to the back side of the leather. The glue and paper/fabric will stiffen the leather enough that you create a usable cover.</p>
<p>If someone is selling a “split” it is suede. Again, lovely stuff but not suitable for this project, not to mention that suede is a beast to work.</p>
<p>The first cover I cut was about a half inch too short, so I made myself another. I’ve got to say for a project that comes together in about 20 minutes start to finish that it’s really quite presentable and useful. My little notebooks get knocked around in my bag all day long and frankly I can see that this is protecting them. Having the 3 notebooks inside gives it some weight but also adds additional stiffness to the whole package. I could if I wanted to fold the pages over and write in it in my hand. The 6×9 size would be a little awkward but still easily done.</p>
<p>With the elastics properly tightened I can write on both pages, both sides without issue when sitting at my desk. It’s comfortable and the margin doesn’t get in the way. Even if the fold did get in the way I’d easily be able to remove the current notebook and write.</p>