One of the things I've been pondering is the following question:

"Do mandala's have to be circular?"

I keep arriving at no as an answer.

Last night on the train I did my usual relaxing automatic drawing. I started the hatching, realizing I was making 7 marks over and over again. I went with it and slapped a 7 on the head of the skull. I suspect most of you won't like the video, but the Pixies are a favorite band of mine and I must've listened to this song a million times when I was in high school.

When I got home I couldn't focus on the hatching in the background. Too distracted, too amped up by class and the presentation we had and the papers I have due.

I couldn't let it go.
This morning when I got up I was able to focus on the hatching and feel relaxed while doing it. Mindful. feeling the pen on the paper, counting to 7 over and over again. Though the Zebra Sarasa is smooth and glides across the paper I could hear it.

scritch scritch scritch

scritch scritch

scritch scritch

The sound of pen on paper is something I enjoy. I don't need music to listen to when I can hear the pen on paper.
I was able to feel the bumps of the paper through the pen as it telegraphed them to my fingers. The rubbery grip of the pen keeping the pen from slipping out of my fingers.

Slowly and carefully I filled in the 5×7 rectangle on my page.

Oh, yeah, what does this have to do with mandalas? I think that a mandala can be square. WHAT WHAT WHAT. A little research shows me that many cultures used square and rectangular shaped for their mandalas. We (Western peoples) know more about the circular mandalas from Jungian psycology and Western practicioners of the art. The circle is mor often used.

I had a rough day yesterday. Intense, hard discussion, aggravating, the type of discussion that gets under your skin. Feeling attacked verbally.

While I waited for the train I read, and then once I got on the train, I got out my sketchbook and I immersed myself in the process of creating an automatic drawing.

I focused on the feelings of making the lines.
I focused on how my pens felt on the page. The stiffness of my fingers and wrist as I cramped up from not being mindful of the moment and how it reflected the stiffness of my mind and the cramped feeling of my headspace as I worked on the feelings of being attacked.

I'd like to tell you that this image allowed me to completely let go of everything. But it didn't, it made me AWARE of all of the thoughts and feelings. It allowed me to name my thoughts, give them weight, allow them to be explored. This image gave the stuff in my head form. It will allow me to continue to work on these thoughs. eventually I will be able to let go.
But not today.

I spent much of last week at art therapy camp. Actually it was orientation for grad school for art therapy. No matter what I call it, it was AWESOME. Seriously awesome.

First it was in a place that looks like this:

There were drum circles and singing and lots of clapping. I was surrounded by 150 (or so) women and a few men who were all interested in the same sorts of things I am.

There was a table loaded with art supplies and we could use them at anytime, day or night. Speaking of nights, holy crap I was up until at least 11pm EVERY NIGHT and then up again at 7am. That's how I got the sunrise pics and this one:

That's the moon and a little bit of lens flare. Cell phone camera and shooting directly into the light…

Anyway, I made a lot of art, stretched  my limits by writing some poetry and in general had an awesome time.

I also learned that if I ever go to "camp" again, to include Gas-X in my bag. The food wasn't bad it was just a huge change from my current largely vegetarian and home grown diet.

I have to write a paper about my experience, 6 pages, in APA style and I have to include references… Holy moly. Loads of work, but I have to tell you, I'm totally excited to be doing it. I feel like I've gotten to the place where I'm meant to be and that is an awesome feeling.

When I decided to publish a few pages of my journal as a zine I didn't really think much about doing it, other than I wanted to have it be in the vein of the old school zine. That feeling of being hurriedly photocopied while a copy shop employee looks on worried about the number of copies you're making. Or rushed while at work early hoping your coworkers won't come in and see the weird stuff you're copying and then having to explain to someone.  I wanted that feeling, the rush of feeling like you're doing something vaquely not quite right, but yet, feels so right.

A peak inside: