Category Archives: Art Habit

All Wrong

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Perhaps I've been going about this wrong.

Maybe looking at it all from the wrong angle, perspective or what not.

The question and analysis I SHOULD be doing is looking at what I've got and not looking at what I don't have.

I should see what I CAN do.

Rather than focus on what I CAN'T do.

See the difference there?

it's not a subtle or minor shift in thinking, it's a major shift.

Here's what I'm going to do:

  • Clean my studio, yeah get it organized, I did that winter storage area thing again.
  • Look at the art I really like doing and do it.- bookbinding, art journaling and painting. I like all of it so why aren't I doing it MORE?
  • Drawing things from life (more on this in another post)
  • Get back to my writing, this has gone to the wayside as I focused on so many other things.

Getting into that fender bender a month ago jostled my noggin, and not in a good way. It let me seep down into what I call the pit of dark. It's an angry lonely place. I blamed the other person, I blamed the road, I blamed the brakes. I said a lot of "if only" and "I should have's" and "I would have's" and other assorted garbage which only served to lower my head further into the pit.

So sunday while I drew my friend in her fabulous 40's vintage clothing (killer red heels oh my!) I had this thought that I needed to own the fact that I'd let myself slip and get into that dark rut.

Here I am taking ownership of it.

Now lets get out of it and see what can happen.

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Wordy Wednesday: Thinking about Positive and Negative

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Paul wrote about his (anti)business plan over here.

Dale wrote about negativity over here.

I’ve been feeling the negativity. It’s a scary time. The US is at war, again. Japan is a disaster zone. US politics is a god awful mess. Then I’ve got the personal is political thing going on with my old HS deliberating a GSA group. Add to that my 2 recent car accidents and my sewing machine being FUBAR, and well, you can see a recipe for disaster.

Sometimes I get sucked into it.

But I look at the whole of my life and realize, I’ve got it pretty darn good. Sure, I need another $500 that will need to materialize, but I’ll get a new sewing machine eventually and the car will get repaired.

I think to next month and I’ve got an art show coming up and should have another during the summer.

I have to think that’s pretty darn sweet.

Paul’s thought’s ring true. I do the blog for free, yeah there are ads but they don’t bring in much and I’ve gone over why I have them here before so I’ll avoid talking about that again. When I started to screen my adds so that only comics, Etsy shops and a select few make it through, things got better. It makes sense for me to allow Etsy and artfire sellers to advertise here. ArtJournaling.ning.com is free. It will be free for as long as I’m in  charge of it. Why? Because I want it to remain being the best place for people to learn about Art Journaling.

And #10 on his list rings true. I’ve noticed that some of the blogs that I’ve loved and some of the other stuff have boiled down to schtick and are no long honest representations of the person behind the scenes. When I STOP being me on my blog, I hope someone will call me out on it. Point it out to me and tell me I’m not being me.

On her blog, Dale, wrote about unfollowing negativity. This is something I’ve put into practice. On facebook I went through a culled out the most negative people. People I no longer wished to read their hate and vitriolic posts. People with whom I felt only negativity. They seemed to respond to only stuff they didn’t like and sent out barbed comments. Unfollow. Unfriend.

Who needs that?

I realized a few months ago that I can invite negativity into my life or I can close the door on it. I’ve chosen to close the door on it.

 

Wordy Wednesday: Wheat Paste and Posters

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Back in the late 90’s I move back to the area of Maine where I grew up. After 4 years of college I felt stifled by small town life. During that time I started publishing my ‘zine “To Avoid Suffocation” and bought my first desktop computer. It opened a world up that just would not have been accessible to me otherwise. While I was in school a friend introduced me to the bulletin board system and the magicial world of listserv. Oh my.

I started designing fliers for feminist and lesbian groups. The fliers were specifically made to be cheaply reproduced in halftone on a photocopier to look spectacularly shitty. Think punk posters drawn with sharpies and graphic ripped off of websites, manipulated in paint and stuck together in the magic of some forgotten lotus program. They were saved as bitmaps and distributed via the listserv, email, and zines everywhere. I must’ve made a good 50 or so designs and put them all out there under a pseudonym. I have a few hard copies of some of the designs and frankly they are terrible. Horrible stuff, but effective in their messaging. Which, is, I suppose the purpose of all posters.

While visiting my ex at her University I would manage to make a hundred copies of the posters, which at regular letter size fit easily into a regular bag. A spaghetti sauce jar of wheat paste and a cheap brush allowed me to quickly and easily slap all hundred copies up in a short period of time, and dispose of the evidence. I pasted them up alone and without my ex’s knowledge. While I waited for her to get out of class I’d flier bomb the restroom of whatever building she was in, the nearest dormitory, or the library. I wasn’t picky but I had a goal of putting up 100+ fliers each time I visited and I did. I realize now that I single handedly caused thousands of dollars in cleanup* effort, I kept the maintenance men very busy for a semester.

I was never caught. My disguise was that I looked like a student and I routinely was carrying some of my Ex’s books about so the look was complete.

I look back and wonder at my fervor at getting my message across. I suppose it’s the same passion that drives me to maintain this blog, though the messages are vastly different the drive is the same. I’ve got thoughts I need to put onto the screen, for whatever reason I do this and I enjoy it.

I should scan in some of the least offensive and terrible posters and put them up. Though, what is the statute of limitations for damage to public property?**

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Wordy Wednesday: Success to You

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Amanda Palmer and I are around the same age, okay so I’m a FEW years older than she is… Not my point. She wrote this blog post about what she thought success was when she was 11. Like so many things that she has written over the years it made me think about what I thought success was when I was 11.

Art wasn’t even on my radar.

I was a geeky kid, my nose stuck in books, a pen in hand and did well in school. I’ll be honest with you, I thought I’d be a scientist working in some lab doing research of some important nature. This idea made my parents very happy. My only goal was to not live in DownEast Maine. In my 11 year old head scientists lived in Boston or New York, or some big distant city. Also, in my head I never worried about money, somehow I thought scientists made lots of money.

I remember in high school my friend asked me, “What do you want to do when you get old, you know study in college, and do for the rest of your life?” I remember that the phrase “the rest of your life” struck fear in my mind and I drew a blank. I realized that though I loved science, I really didn’t want to do it for the REST OF MY LIFE.* I blurted out “art” because it was truly the only thing that through the course of my life I’d been good at and enjoyed. I could see myself doing art everyday and not getting bored. After hastily blurting out art, I added “or write, I like writing.” Even then my only goal was really to go away to college and get out of DownEast Maine.

At that point in my life that’s all I wanted and felt I needed to be successful.

So I went away to college got my degree and… Returned to teach.

When I look back that was probably the most unsuccessful I’ve ever felt in my life. I returned to the place I’d worked so hard to leave, for a job. After that I told myself I’d never go someplace I hated for a job. So over the years I’ve worked a variety of jobs that have little to do with what I deem I need to do to be successful in what I ultimately really want to do with my life- art. I’ve pursued them for health insurance, rent, and an assortment of other things. In some cases I’ve taken jobs to make ends meet and cover expenses that art just doesn’t, yet.

So I’ve set myself a new goal, to not have a DayJob after the next year passes. I want to make ends meet through art. I know it will be hard but I think that if I “put my weight into it” I can make it happen.

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Review: Rhodia Webnotebook aka Webbie

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Stephanie of RhodiaDrive hooked me up with Karen of Exaclair, the American importer of several very fine French made stationary products so I could do some reviews. I received a box in the mail and I felt like a kid at Christmas. There is nothing quite like opening up a box of sketchbooks to get my heart racing, well pen products would be a close second. Anyway, one of the products contained in that wonderful box was a Rhodia Webnotebook. It’s the larger size, 5.5×8.25 inches (I14x21cm) with blank cream colored pages. There are 96 sheets or 192 pages.

When I first opened the covers the color reminded me of oak tag; creamy, warm and lovely. The paper is 90g (roughly 24lb) which seems kind of thin when you’ve been working on 140lb watercolor paper for the last few months. When I ran my hand over it felt glassy smooth. Clairfontaine paper is known for this feature and is sought after by people who use fountain pens.

The cover is black with the Rhodia logo inset into the center of the front cover. Like all notebooks of this style there is an elastic to hold the whole thing shut. The plastic/vinyl of the cover is soft, like fine leather. I have a journal made of deer hide and the feel of this pleather rivals its softness and feel. I handed the journal to someone to check out and she actually said “Ooohhh, that feels nice that feels really nice, what is it?” Like, leather the cover does show greasy fingerprints, unlike leather those greasy fingerprints wipe off with a damp rag. Yes, I tested this by eating French fries at my desk and picking up the journal and having to wipe it clean.

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wordy weekender: Accidental Subtext

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I read a lot of blogs and look at a lot of art online. I like to see what others do in their art journal. One of my favorite things to stumble upon is what I like to call the “accidental subtext.” This usually is when someone uses an image that they don’t fully understand in their collage. Either they don’t know who the people are in the photo or what the photo is about. It usually happens when someone thinks an image is cool  and it’s from a group not their own, either a subculture, counterculture or the like.

It’s not unusual for me to find one of these images and to laugh. I had the occasion last night. I stumbled upon a blog full of bible quotes, discussion of husband and children and great crafty ideas. As I scrolled down through the pages I saw a page with a fairly well known image of 2 women making out overlaid with a bible quote. Queue: dissonance and a hearty chuckle.

What made it exceptionally funny to me is that one of the women in the image was not noticeably a woman, at first glance and if you didn’t know the image, you’d have thought the image was of a man and a woman kissing. Knowing the image in question made the journal page humorous rather than the serious tone of the bible quote.

I realized as I looked at the image that just because I knew it was 2 women kissing didn’t mean that that the creator of the page knew. It’s one of those things that makes me realize that I’m “other.” I knew it was a gay picture because I’d read the magazine the image was originally in, and knew the model’s name. Looking at myself I realize that a straight person might not know the model, or her work and thus wouldn’t know that the image is gay.

At first glance the image isn’t gay which is what makes it so… subversive and give the whole journal page, most likely unintentionally, a secondary subtext that make me, as a gay person, chuckle. Especially as I look at the rest of the blog and images on the site to see that they are so clean, earnest and Christian. The additional layer of meaning adds more to the art for me.

Wordy Wednesday: drugs kill talent

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Today’s Wordy Wednesday is late and a little different.

In my lifetime I’ve seen enough loss to drugs and alcohol that I’d never like to see it again. Friends in high school and college got into drunk driving accidents and died and later people from back home overdosed on various drugs. I grew up in a small community and my high school only had 400 students and 88 in my graduating class. Where I grew up you know everyone, people who were your friends and those who were not.

I got word on Monday that a guy that went to my high school and was a few years behind me died. He was a talented musician who was doing well with his music. He’d broken into the local music scene in central Maine and essentially he was doing well.

But, he was, according to various people I know and the news paper article linked here, addicted to drugs and booze. While I did not know Ian on a personal level, he was friends with my ex and I’d seen him perform on more than one occasion. He was a great performer and an amazing musician. I’m sad that drugs have yet again taken someone who had talent.

One might say that this is a symptom of a greater problem, one of the extreme amounts of drug use where I grew up. One could say a million different things. Right now what I’ve written is all I can say.

The Real Wordy Weekender: I *AM* Not a Brand

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I am not a brand.

I am an artist.

I paint.  

I draw.

I write.

I bind books.

I’m passionate about the things that are important to me: equal rights for all, sometimes politics, love, fairness, people being treated properly, and the list goes on. I’m not afraid to voice those opinions. I’m usually pretty direct about this fact. I don’t often mince words. I don’t see the point. I also don’t see the point in letting stuff build up until I can no longer tolerate it. I used to do that a lot and it got me nowhere. I’ve found that while it’s difficult the best things I’ve done are those where I’ve been the most direct.

I am not a brand.

I am not interested in protecting my brand. I don’t even get what that means*. I’ve gotten where I am today by being me. I’m honest. I’ll give the shirt off my back to the people I like and if I am forced I’ll give the people I don’t like my socks. I’ll forgive most transgressions after some time has passed. I believe in honor and integrity. I’ll stand up for people even if I don’t like them.  I confront issues head on, once I’ve vented and figured out a way to word it properly.

I am not a brand.

I am an artist.

I don’t believe in art world competition. I think artists, by and large do best by working together in a collaborative manner. I learn from you and you learn from me. When I teach classes I expect those people to come out of that class, take the information and add themselves to it. I ask only that they not publish exact documentation of what is in the class- ie please don’t publish my PDF files or videos. The art made in the class is the possession of the artist. The knowledge they gain is a stepping stone into bigger and better things. 

As a teacher I expect that all my students eventually surpass my skill. I’m not arrogant enough to think I’m the end all with art journaling. In fact I think that there is plenty of room out there for all of us who teach art journaling. We all fill a different niche. I don’t do “pretty girls” with their head tilted at unnatural angles or lead workshops on The Artist’s Way. No there are other people out there who do it better. I’ve done my fair share to help promote other sites, here on my blog, through the art journaling ning, and within the pages of the zine Art Journaling it’s all good.  Why? Like I wrote above I believe strongly that we work better as a team and as a collective. What I won’t do is participate in some sort of internet pissing match over who is the best because we all fulfill specific roles in the community. We all have our own specific space.

I am not a brand.

I am an artist.

I got an email telling me that someone (and others) thinks I’m hurting my “brand” by being me. You see if you think that you don’t get it, or me. It did make me think, which is good. The conclusion that I came to is that I can’t be anyone but me, trying to be something else would lose the honesty and integrity I’ve built this blog around. I will continue to be me.

I am not a brand.

I am an artist.

I paint.  

I draw.

I write.

I bind books.

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Wordy Wednesday: Take Some Time for Family and Friends

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I had an IM conversation with a buddy today that entailed us talking about doing what we love. That’s a common occurrence here on CSS. I’m striving to do what I love, pushing hard to get there, and really looking for the finish line that will allow me to leave my corporate job. I have a great DayJob but every night I come home and think about stuff I COULD be doing instead of the DayJob. I think things like “If only I had more time, I’d get that class finished. “or “If I didn’t have to be at work today I could finish that painting.” These are both valid concerns and worries. If I was able to hack at it 40 hours a week instead of 10, I’d be a lot further along in my book than 10,000 words. I’ve be able to commit to 2000 words a day instead of 500. I’d also be able to spend a lot more time painting, more time working on class materials and frankly those silly mistakes I make would stop, because I could focus on my goals, instead of splitting my time, mind and energy.

I have a goal in mind, a deadline to strive for, sabbatical in June or July and right now; I’m sorely in need of the time off to work on my art, to write and to rejuvenate myself.  

But also there is that need for pacing.

I took a month and a half off from my UStream show. I was getting stressed out and not enjoying it. Part of one of the “rules” that I’ve set for myself with this exploration of striving for my goals is that I won’t do anything that I don’t enjoy. Hedonistic, maybe, but also realistic. I won’t do anything for long that I don’t like. I’m back to doing the show, for now, but if I don’t like doing the show I won’t hesitate to cancel it. Frankly life is too short to do things you hate. I’ve spent the last 7 years doing things for other people, some of which I didn’t like at all. The change in direction toward doing what I love and pursuing my passion is supposed to be about enjoying life, not pushing myself into a new form of drudgery.

I realized this past week that part of pacing is spending more time with my family and really enjoying that time. Not being there in spirit and having my mind be elsewhere. Without my family I would not be able to push toward my goals. One can’t go for their dreams without the support and presence of their friends and family. Without Christie on my sideline cheering me on I’d probably still be wondering what I should do with myself.

This past week where Christie has been off of work and I’ve been pacing myself with the DreamJob has been amazing. There are always going to be ups and downs in a relationship but last week was amazing. There are things in life we need to stop and enjoy, family and friends are one of those things. I’ve been so busy pushing for the end result and being a work-a-holic that I’ve let myself loose contact with people that I am starting to really miss. I’m hoping to fix that over the next few months. I guess last week made me realize that HOME means as much as the DreamJob and way more than the Dayjob.

 

 

Art Habit part 1

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I’m making a commitment to write more. Partially so my writing gets better but also because I’m working on a book. I’ve mentioned Art Habit once or twice before but this is my first public commitment to making it work. InkyGirl.com has 3 challenges on her blog, one of them is a challenge to write 500 words a day. When I’m focused on writing I can easily churn out 1500 words in an evening. When I’m not focused I write nothing. Goal setting is supposed to be good for success so I’m setting a 500 words  a day goal. Will I keep it? Who knows. I hope so. I suspect it’ll be an easy goal as 500 words is just a few paragraphs and about a decent blog post.

I can never keep to NaNoWriMo as it’s the busiest month of the year in my retail job. I’ve signed up nearly every year and failed every year. This year was no exception. I started and I’ve got about 10 to 15,000 words of Art Habit written. I’ve got another 10,000 or so stewing in my head and in various manners in various journals and I’ve given myself a commitment that in 2011 I WILL finish Art Habit. It WILL go into publication in 2012. That is my commitment to myself. This is something I’ve been working on for years, it’s been stewing in the back of my mind since 1998. Every year I’ve given up on it, put it further and further to the back of my mind and told myself that it can’t, won’t, and shouldn’t happen.

This is the effing year I MAKE it happen. This is the year I’m taking a sabbatical from my DayJob, working on an art show, a book, my blog and all the stuff that is important to me.

So let me tell you a little bit about Art Habit. It’s about making and keeping an Art Habit, how I’ve managed the screw up my Art Habit over the years, how I’ve shot myself in the foot, repeatedly year after year, and how I finally found my niche, my place and the ability to keep my Art Habit alive and strong. It’s my story, with some questions in there for the journaler and artist. It’s an exploration and I’m inviting you along to see what has worked and what hasn’t worked. It’s poignant and heartfelt. I’m going to let it all hang out and see what happens. Honesty is good. Hopefully you’ll enjoy the story.

I plan on sharing excerpts as I write here on my blog, I invite you to share with me, in the comments, your thoughts, feelings and stories. I invite you to share with your friends my words via your blog. I want you to muse on my writing in your journal. This is a personal journey I’m sharing but I’m inviting you along.

I can tell 2011 is going to be a spectacular year.

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