I had a rough day yesterday. Intense, hard discussion, aggravating, the type of discussion that gets under your skin. Feeling attacked verbally.

While I waited for the train I read, and then once I got on the train, I got out my sketchbook and I immersed myself in the process of creating an automatic drawing.

I focused on the feelings of making the lines.
I focused on how my pens felt on the page. The stiffness of my fingers and wrist as I cramped up from not being mindful of the moment and how it reflected the stiffness of my mind and the cramped feeling of my headspace as I worked on the feelings of being attacked.

I'd like to tell you that this image allowed me to completely let go of everything. But it didn't, it made me AWARE of all of the thoughts and feelings. It allowed me to name my thoughts, give them weight, allow them to be explored. This image gave the stuff in my head form. It will allow me to continue to work on these thoughs. eventually I will be able to let go.
But not today.

I spent much of last week at art therapy camp. Actually it was orientation for grad school for art therapy. No matter what I call it, it was AWESOME. Seriously awesome.

First it was in a place that looks like this:

There were drum circles and singing and lots of clapping. I was surrounded by 150 (or so) women and a few men who were all interested in the same sorts of things I am.

There was a table loaded with art supplies and we could use them at anytime, day or night. Speaking of nights, holy crap I was up until at least 11pm EVERY NIGHT and then up again at 7am. That's how I got the sunrise pics and this one:

That's the moon and a little bit of lens flare. Cell phone camera and shooting directly into the light…

Anyway, I made a lot of art, stretched  my limits by writing some poetry and in general had an awesome time.

I also learned that if I ever go to "camp" again, to include Gas-X in my bag. The food wasn't bad it was just a huge change from my current largely vegetarian and home grown diet.

I have to write a paper about my experience, 6 pages, in APA style and I have to include references… Holy moly. Loads of work, but I have to tell you, I'm totally excited to be doing it. I feel like I've gotten to the place where I'm meant to be and that is an awesome feeling.

When I decided to publish a few pages of my journal as a zine I didn't really think much about doing it, other than I wanted to have it be in the vein of the old school zine. That feeling of being hurriedly photocopied while a copy shop employee looks on worried about the number of copies you're making. Or rushed while at work early hoping your coworkers won't come in and see the weird stuff you're copying and then having to explain to someone.  I wanted that feeling, the rush of feeling like you're doing something vaquely not quite right, but yet, feels so right.

A peak inside:

I
can finally reveal part 3 of the “big thing.” Part 3 of the big thing
is that I’m leaving my job the second week of May. I’m going to spend
the summer making art, working on my online art classes as well as
retooling my class site, art journaling ning. It’s not an optimal time
for me to leave my job but I figured if I don’t make the leap now I’d
never take a summer off, and well, I wanted to try and see if I can make
books, paint and write classes. I’ve got plans for a funky thing that
I’m going to call an artist’s zine/book. Super limited edition type of
thing, hand made, thick with my writing and lots of art journaling
goodies packed in. I’ve got a couple of class planned out. I’m at the
fleshing them out stage and outlining for videos stage. Lots of good
things going on.

I’m
sure many of you have heard rumors about ning’s decision to restructure
and increase prices. Ning has moved from ning 2 to Ning 3.0 status. I
have a year and a half to change to Ning 3.0. The problem is that Ning
3.0 does not have all the features that we currently use on
ArtJournaling ning. Though they may add them at some point. The second
problem is that it’s increasing the price from a moderate $250/yr to
about $600/yr. This is pretty drastic. A big part of what I’ve been
doing these last few weeks (when I haven’t been blogging) is exploring
other options for AJ ning. I’ve made no secret that I’ve been less than
pleased with ning’s formats and options for classes. It’s a pain for
the presenters to set up classes, and when I have guest teachers most
cannot figure out how to update the class. This makes a lot of work for
me on the back end of things, and while I’ve been working it’s been a
total pita.

the
replacement is designed for education and I’ve had a few people check
out the site and they’ve told me it’s easy to navigate, easy to
interact, and easy to look at. It’s not ready for new people yet, as I’m
still tweaking the formating and working on the site. Not to worry, AJ
ning is staying online.

Oh
yeah, the new site is going to have an art journaling wiki. Super easy
to search, loads of info, the ability to ask questions, and loads of
links to videos and blogs.

Holy crapola, I’m excited!

The first half of this is about how when you know stuff you don't question thing. The whole thing is about asking questions and exploring ideas. Something to think about.

How can you get yourself asking more questions about your art process?